(no subject)
I THINK PEOPLE WHO USE EMO DEROGATORILY TO DESCRIBE OTHER PEOPLE ARE JUST RECENTLY GETTING OVER REALLY LOVING BEING EMO
all caps. all accident.
tonight, i went to work for the, well, night shift, only to discover the fact that i was scheduled during the day!
so, the guy's shift who i ended up helping with, only speaks portuguese.
nevermind the fact that my boss calls it brazilian. ("how's your brazilian?" he inquired my first night)
anyhow, the guy i work with, who i bus tables and dishwash and clean bathrooms with and mop and sweep with, who i get paid $7.50 an hour and have to split tips with, lectures me, as best he can, that i came in late.
at some point, he got someone to translate, confirming my hopes that i got the jist of what he was saying. the second half of the shift, he brings me over to my schedule, and shows me where it says i work, which is eight in the morning to three in the afternoon. tomorrow.
manana! he points to the schedule
slides his finger down the columns of when people are scheduled
"EIGHT O'CLOCK-E.
ah
ah
"FOUR O'CLOCK-E"
and holds up the appropriate amount of fingers each time.
yes, i shake my head vigourously.
yes, i understand.
and his english is way better than my portuguese, which is actually embarassing considering how high the brazilian population is here. i think framingham public schools should have taught portuguese. that would have been sweet.
so then i smoke out back with the chef, and one of our coworkers comes out for a cigarette break, and i do mental backflips. through rings of fire. she gives me my tips, and i quickly escape the situation, mildly buzzed.
then i wash dishes, then i mop, then i pocket two frozen desserts (brownie and apple crip!) and eat the former on the way home
the latter right now.
so, that was the fun story for tonight.
the key thing i realized is i am not confident because i don't think i have earned the right to be. but then it occured to me that there is no right, no one bequethes that on you but you, and i slowed down a bit. and i stopped nervously giggling.
i think my worst problem with confidence is that i think i have to be nice to everyone, to please.
llame!
but i think fixing the problem would best be done via non-action.
the tao is always right.
shower. if that's what happens.
all caps. all accident.
tonight, i went to work for the, well, night shift, only to discover the fact that i was scheduled during the day!
so, the guy's shift who i ended up helping with, only speaks portuguese.
nevermind the fact that my boss calls it brazilian. ("how's your brazilian?" he inquired my first night)
anyhow, the guy i work with, who i bus tables and dishwash and clean bathrooms with and mop and sweep with, who i get paid $7.50 an hour and have to split tips with, lectures me, as best he can, that i came in late.
at some point, he got someone to translate, confirming my hopes that i got the jist of what he was saying. the second half of the shift, he brings me over to my schedule, and shows me where it says i work, which is eight in the morning to three in the afternoon. tomorrow.
manana! he points to the schedule
slides his finger down the columns of when people are scheduled
"EIGHT O'CLOCK-E.
ah
ah
"FOUR O'CLOCK-E"
and holds up the appropriate amount of fingers each time.
yes, i shake my head vigourously.
yes, i understand.
and his english is way better than my portuguese, which is actually embarassing considering how high the brazilian population is here. i think framingham public schools should have taught portuguese. that would have been sweet.
so then i smoke out back with the chef, and one of our coworkers comes out for a cigarette break, and i do mental backflips. through rings of fire. she gives me my tips, and i quickly escape the situation, mildly buzzed.
then i wash dishes, then i mop, then i pocket two frozen desserts (brownie and apple crip!) and eat the former on the way home
the latter right now.
so, that was the fun story for tonight.
the key thing i realized is i am not confident because i don't think i have earned the right to be. but then it occured to me that there is no right, no one bequethes that on you but you, and i slowed down a bit. and i stopped nervously giggling.
i think my worst problem with confidence is that i think i have to be nice to everyone, to please.
llame!
but i think fixing the problem would best be done via non-action.
the tao is always right.
shower. if that's what happens.