what do you want to be when you grow up?
i just left the most neurotic message for my mom on her mobile. "hi, this is your daughter who is graduating from college in may and has no idea what she is doing with her life afterwards and may or may not be freaking out about it. please return her call at your convenience."
i keep talking to people who are gathering their grad school reccommendations, sucking up to interviewers and corporations, donning white button downs and conservative, square toed shoes with a sensible heel, mingling and networking and basically doing whatever the hell they can to ensure that spot in law school, teach for america, field work, the marketing department at l'oreal, whatever...
and i am absolutely clueless. i want to be in phoenix to help with barry and jessie's wedding that february, but that totally limits everything i would want to do... no peace corps, no state department... and most semester long programs cost something - but even unpaid internships leave me struggling to pay rent in an expensive city where i would barely be able to afford basic food, let alone go out and enjoy myself...
i don't know if i'm ever going to grad school though. spring 2007 i'm taking the foreign service exam and, provided i pass, it's off to some developing third world country where no one will ever want to visit me and that will be the start of the rest of my life - a prospect that excites me more than scares the hell out of me. i'm not the type of person to look forward to a life-long career, i don't want to be stuck doing the same job forever, which is hardly avoidable these days, but at least i'll be doing the same job in a foreign country, most likely learning foreign languages, knowing i'll be transferred every few years to do something new...
that's exciting.
that i can do.
and it'll let me get out of this country where thinking about politics and change just makes me angry and sad more than inspires me anymore. i'm twenty years old and already jaded.
i don't think i will get through next year if i spend it all in arizona. so in the mean time, i'm procrastinating on papers and drinking boxed wine and smoking far too many cigarettes and making plans that will never actually be accomplished instead of going to job fairs and filling out applications that will decide my future.
is there a way to hibernate for six months??
i keep talking to people who are gathering their grad school reccommendations, sucking up to interviewers and corporations, donning white button downs and conservative, square toed shoes with a sensible heel, mingling and networking and basically doing whatever the hell they can to ensure that spot in law school, teach for america, field work, the marketing department at l'oreal, whatever...
and i am absolutely clueless. i want to be in phoenix to help with barry and jessie's wedding that february, but that totally limits everything i would want to do... no peace corps, no state department... and most semester long programs cost something - but even unpaid internships leave me struggling to pay rent in an expensive city where i would barely be able to afford basic food, let alone go out and enjoy myself...
i don't know if i'm ever going to grad school though. spring 2007 i'm taking the foreign service exam and, provided i pass, it's off to some developing third world country where no one will ever want to visit me and that will be the start of the rest of my life - a prospect that excites me more than scares the hell out of me. i'm not the type of person to look forward to a life-long career, i don't want to be stuck doing the same job forever, which is hardly avoidable these days, but at least i'll be doing the same job in a foreign country, most likely learning foreign languages, knowing i'll be transferred every few years to do something new...
that's exciting.
that i can do.
and it'll let me get out of this country where thinking about politics and change just makes me angry and sad more than inspires me anymore. i'm twenty years old and already jaded.
i don't think i will get through next year if i spend it all in arizona. so in the mean time, i'm procrastinating on papers and drinking boxed wine and smoking far too many cigarettes and making plans that will never actually be accomplished instead of going to job fairs and filling out applications that will decide my future.
is there a way to hibernate for six months??