(no subject)
Life. Wow, what a great thing and ideal.
Is there even a point? All it is, is one big let down over and over, one after another.
Everything I do, just seems to get messed up and ends up blowing up in my face. People only like to talk to me, when they want some favor. But than when I could use some help, I'm not worth it.
I try to do the best I can, and never seems to be good enough.
Only thing I can think of is to living is to die. Die to live.
Growing up, wow my grandfather dies, my grandmother dies. Than my dad passes away. That has to be one of the hardest things I've dealt with and still dealing with. I remember everything about when I found out.
Come home from school, probably about 3:20 or 3:30. In 3rd grade. My dad previously was in a hospital bed in our house. His cancer was to the point where he couldn't move or do anything. I feel bad for being oblivious to what was going on, until he passed away. I knew it was bad, but I thought he would get better.
I come home, I see the bed is gone, dad isn't anywhere. My mom just sitting there on a chair. I ask her "Where's dad?" Than she tells me, what happened. I have no expression on my face, and I don't say a word. I walk upstairs, try to do my math homework. I turn on the tv than. Goof Troop is on. This point I just start crying and don't stop. Even though it was a cartoon, the father son part of it made me cry. I remember my brother carved on his wall "October 21st, 1992 is the worst day of my life." Even if he was 11 than and I was 9. I miss him, and I love him. I hope I can see him soon. Soon it will be 12 years...
I pretty much grow to be quiet, and here I am today. Got nothing. Just feel like a burden to everyone. My brothers bitch having to give me a ride to work. Everything I do I get bitched at for about, or I suceed in the end shattering the good things into pieces. I screw up everything in the end. All the good I had in my life, I threw away, the idiot I am. I wonder sometimes that it'd be better if I was never born. Or that I was gone completely from now.
Maybe I'm just being stupid, but thats how I feel.
Is there even a point? All it is, is one big let down over and over, one after another.
Everything I do, just seems to get messed up and ends up blowing up in my face. People only like to talk to me, when they want some favor. But than when I could use some help, I'm not worth it.
I try to do the best I can, and never seems to be good enough.
Only thing I can think of is to living is to die. Die to live.
Growing up, wow my grandfather dies, my grandmother dies. Than my dad passes away. That has to be one of the hardest things I've dealt with and still dealing with. I remember everything about when I found out.
Come home from school, probably about 3:20 or 3:30. In 3rd grade. My dad previously was in a hospital bed in our house. His cancer was to the point where he couldn't move or do anything. I feel bad for being oblivious to what was going on, until he passed away. I knew it was bad, but I thought he would get better.
I come home, I see the bed is gone, dad isn't anywhere. My mom just sitting there on a chair. I ask her "Where's dad?" Than she tells me, what happened. I have no expression on my face, and I don't say a word. I walk upstairs, try to do my math homework. I turn on the tv than. Goof Troop is on. This point I just start crying and don't stop. Even though it was a cartoon, the father son part of it made me cry. I remember my brother carved on his wall "October 21st, 1992 is the worst day of my life." Even if he was 11 than and I was 9. I miss him, and I love him. I hope I can see him soon. Soon it will be 12 years...
I pretty much grow to be quiet, and here I am today. Got nothing. Just feel like a burden to everyone. My brothers bitch having to give me a ride to work. Everything I do I get bitched at for about, or I suceed in the end shattering the good things into pieces. I screw up everything in the end. All the good I had in my life, I threw away, the idiot I am. I wonder sometimes that it'd be better if I was never born. Or that I was gone completely from now.
Maybe I'm just being stupid, but thats how I feel.