I know I can love you much better than this...
But fuck I need her so much. Her strength and stamina, her ability to handle anything thrown her way wihout once complaining, how she could always love and carry on regardless. I need that.
Her fragile movements, gentle caring way and soft calming voice. I miss them. Sitting close to her, talking or just being comfortable in silence. I want to.
I want her to see how i've grown up, would she be proud of me? I have things to tell her, questions to ask her and there are things she still must teach me. Sometimes a girl just needs her mother but I want and need mine so much it's breaking my heart.
I can't remember the last words I said to her or even when they were. I hurt when I think of all the times I got angry, called her names or took a tantrum with her. If she was here today, if we had grown older together, would I be different? Would I take her for granted or would I appreciate her for the wonderful human being she was?
I will forever regret that I wont have the chance to experience the progression from mother and child to mother and older daughter. Always wish that I had told her I loved her more often than I did. Constantly worry that one day I wont be able to remember the sound of her voice or the feel of her hand as she squeezed mine to reassure me.
She didn't get to see me graduate from university, leave home properly or start my first job. She missed out on comforting me when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, giving me advice about problems or even just telling me now and then not to be so stupid! She wont have the chance to meet my future husband, share in the excitement of my wedding or hold my first born. I did and will continue to do all of these things for her through my own heart and spirit.
People often leave without saying goodbye, but inside you they always remain. I will think of her when i'm sleeping and every day I am awake. Hear her voice in my ears whenever I am scared. See her face if I feel lonely, but most of all above all of this, I will smile each and everytime I think of her, see something that reminds me of her or smell her in some flowers. Even if it's perhaps the smallest little thing I will go to that special place where she rests in my mind and share my whole life with her.
She is with me, inside me and beside me. She follows me wherever go and helps me in whatever I do. It was only her body that ceased to function on the 19th of Febuary 2002. Her energetic spirit, love and strong character will live on with and through me because after all, I am 50% her creation. I share her genetic make up her pattern and structure. What made her also makes me and I will carry her with me for the rest of my life.
Irene Marrs - My mother. I love you just as much now as I ever did before.
'And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so'
And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score.
Her fragile movements, gentle caring way and soft calming voice. I miss them. Sitting close to her, talking or just being comfortable in silence. I want to.
I want her to see how i've grown up, would she be proud of me? I have things to tell her, questions to ask her and there are things she still must teach me. Sometimes a girl just needs her mother but I want and need mine so much it's breaking my heart.
I can't remember the last words I said to her or even when they were. I hurt when I think of all the times I got angry, called her names or took a tantrum with her. If she was here today, if we had grown older together, would I be different? Would I take her for granted or would I appreciate her for the wonderful human being she was?
I will forever regret that I wont have the chance to experience the progression from mother and child to mother and older daughter. Always wish that I had told her I loved her more often than I did. Constantly worry that one day I wont be able to remember the sound of her voice or the feel of her hand as she squeezed mine to reassure me.
She didn't get to see me graduate from university, leave home properly or start my first job. She missed out on comforting me when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, giving me advice about problems or even just telling me now and then not to be so stupid! She wont have the chance to meet my future husband, share in the excitement of my wedding or hold my first born. I did and will continue to do all of these things for her through my own heart and spirit.
People often leave without saying goodbye, but inside you they always remain. I will think of her when i'm sleeping and every day I am awake. Hear her voice in my ears whenever I am scared. See her face if I feel lonely, but most of all above all of this, I will smile each and everytime I think of her, see something that reminds me of her or smell her in some flowers. Even if it's perhaps the smallest little thing I will go to that special place where she rests in my mind and share my whole life with her.
She is with me, inside me and beside me. She follows me wherever go and helps me in whatever I do. It was only her body that ceased to function on the 19th of Febuary 2002. Her energetic spirit, love and strong character will live on with and through me because after all, I am 50% her creation. I share her genetic make up her pattern and structure. What made her also makes me and I will carry her with me for the rest of my life.
Irene Marrs - My mother. I love you just as much now as I ever did before.
'And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so'
And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score.