dont cry out loud, just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
The nights that you just missed,
The things that you promised,
They never stay
armageddon is on, i always cry at the ending its so sad!
today i went to the movies to see sleepover with heather. me&heather have been majorly bonding lately, its been relatively nice. i've just been in such a bummed out mood lately, i found out my mom's spine split & shes going to have to have surgery. she could possibly die from the surgery, im feeling really awful about it..bcos i feel like both of my parents are trying to get me to take sides, my dads like ooh your mom is getting surgery, thats too bad. HES LYING. he is..he is. my dad doesnt care about my mom&the other day my mom told me she wished my dad would die, i knew she didnt mean it. i keep putting myself in playback mode..of the same things they said..its driving me nuts. i've been really busy, and i dont have much time for much.
but anyways, yes we went to sleepover. heather met a guy, his name is john. he wasnt working today, but he seems so great for her. the way she talks about him, they have so many coincidences. i hope things are going to go good for her. im pretty jealous. so, sleepover was cute. i cried, because on the part where the two best friends had to leave each other..it reminded me of me&kim. i started crying, and the tears just werent stopping. i went to the bathroom & washed my face off.KIM I MISS YOU SO MUCH. so we walked around, hollister was having really good sales, like 6.50$ tops..but i couldnt find an atm machine anywhere..grrr. so, then we decided to go to marble slab. mmmm..pina colada. jason walked in. later on he saw me. he came & sat with me and heather for awhile. i was in a bad mood sorry heather made me feel better though. then we went down to barnes and nobles, browsed some good books! i got a frap from starbucks. the whole way home, we talked about relationships, and just various things, it was so nice! shes becoming one of my really good friends. the whole day though, i just couldnt get my mom out of my mind. my nana&grandaddy are going to fly down for her surgery possibly.
ive also been thinking about god lately. im not trying to right an entry all on god and follow a trend or anything bcos i want everyone to think im so godly, but i was thinking about how i've lost touch. & i feel so selfish thinking about myself all the time, living my lives for other people. its really been getting on my nerves, because i feel like ive lost touch& it seems like everyone else is just so close. and i kind of feel lost. geeez..i have an annoying life. i dont ever live life to the fullest, like i was thinking about the scene in ?the notebook..where noah wants to lay in the road with alie, and she goes thats silly, we cant lay in the road..like shes afraid to live life,because shes afraid of all the things that might happen. and thats how i am exactly, everytime i watch the scene..i think thats me,thats me. just some random thinking.
She, now she's all alone
Her eyes they drown in tears
Their love was meant to last
But she is blind with fear
Now I go, away
Now I know, today
Leave me be
Now I'm free
Love reflecting everything
You want space
I need you to help me see this through
& i just dont know about relationships anymore. i seem to screw them all up..i just don't know what i want,& i dont know how to act torwards it..because i cant shoot the words out of my mouth..because im afraid of making a beautiful mistake. if you truly like me i need a sign
what an entry..it was 9234723974729379 words long. oh well! thanks for reading if you do!