It's so hard to see when your eyes are rollin' in the back of your head...
Nothing feels right anymore. I don't know what it is that's so fucking off right now but there's something. I feel like there's a void in me, that something's missing. The last few days have been a blur. I hung out with Josh & Chris today, along with Amelia. It was fun, nothing too exciting. I feel as though I'm somehow setting myself up for a downfall. I feel empty, almost lifeless. I want to find someone that's my other half but I don't know how to go about doing it. I make myself sound really desperate, it probably doesn't make people have a good impression of me.
Gary & I had a really long talk tonight. It was good but bad at points. I love that kid. He always knows what to say. I just didn't like that half the shit he said made me cry. I don't know why but it was either because I knew he meant it & no one has ever said any of that to me before or if it was because I couldn't believe he was saying all of that stuff & didn't mean a bit of it.
So I started this entry at.. 12:30 or so & now it's 2:23. Jasmine & I went for a nice walk & talked about all the things going horribly wrong with us right now. We saw a lot of cops & other rude, weird people. The guy in 7-Eleven yelled at us for not wearing shoes. It was shitty. I also think I have a blood blister on my foot now, which sucks. It might be dirt but it's not coming off.
I still feel weird. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm trying to distract myself from all of this, I'm trying to keep my mind on other things, move on to other people. I can't help but love him & it just hurts so much that I mean absolutely nothing to him in return. God, I wish I could sleep right now. I'm just waiting for my mom to wake up & yell at me for not being in bed. I can't help it, it's so hard to sleep with so much running through my mind. I hate this, I really do. & I mean, it's not as though I don't have feelings for other people, because I do, believe me. It just hurts too much to let go, it's almost as though I'm still holding on with a tiny shred of hope that one day he'll want to be with me. I honestly don't want to be with anyone but him right now & I know it's not gunna happen. I just need to somehow move on with my life, since he's basically moved on with his & I'm not a part of it anymore, nor was I to begin with. I'm trying to get something new, I'm trying to challenge myself. I don't know if I can do this but I just need something to challenge myself with, something to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I think, that I'm more capable than I think I am. I'm just kind of rambling, I'll stop.
I want my lollipop. I think I'm gunna go snack on that & try to sleep at some point.
Someone comment because I'm so emo.
Gary & I had a really long talk tonight. It was good but bad at points. I love that kid. He always knows what to say. I just didn't like that half the shit he said made me cry. I don't know why but it was either because I knew he meant it & no one has ever said any of that to me before or if it was because I couldn't believe he was saying all of that stuff & didn't mean a bit of it.
So I started this entry at.. 12:30 or so & now it's 2:23. Jasmine & I went for a nice walk & talked about all the things going horribly wrong with us right now. We saw a lot of cops & other rude, weird people. The guy in 7-Eleven yelled at us for not wearing shoes. It was shitty. I also think I have a blood blister on my foot now, which sucks. It might be dirt but it's not coming off.
I still feel weird. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm trying to distract myself from all of this, I'm trying to keep my mind on other things, move on to other people. I can't help but love him & it just hurts so much that I mean absolutely nothing to him in return. God, I wish I could sleep right now. I'm just waiting for my mom to wake up & yell at me for not being in bed. I can't help it, it's so hard to sleep with so much running through my mind. I hate this, I really do. & I mean, it's not as though I don't have feelings for other people, because I do, believe me. It just hurts too much to let go, it's almost as though I'm still holding on with a tiny shred of hope that one day he'll want to be with me. I honestly don't want to be with anyone but him right now & I know it's not gunna happen. I just need to somehow move on with my life, since he's basically moved on with his & I'm not a part of it anymore, nor was I to begin with. I'm trying to get something new, I'm trying to challenge myself. I don't know if I can do this but I just need something to challenge myself with, something to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I think, that I'm more capable than I think I am. I'm just kind of rambling, I'll stop.
I want my lollipop. I think I'm gunna go snack on that & try to sleep at some point.
Someone comment because I'm so emo.