(no subject)
I feel like I'm playing horrible in soccer right now.
I never start anymore, even when I work my butt off for a starting position.
It makes me want to cry. Soccer is my life, I don't know what I'd do without it.
I'm starting to feel all the pressure to make Desert Vista soccer. Only 18 spots on varsity and 22 spots on JV. I'm really feeling like I'll never make it at this rate. Before to me it was just like "ohh, if I make it, I make it...if I don't, I don't...no big deal" but now it's like "what will I do if I don't make it..." and I've discovered that my heart really IS in soccer and that I reeeally, reeeeally want this more than anything right now.
This morning my friend's mom told my mom that I was "playing really well and I was a strong player" and that should mean a lot...because she's the one that sets up our wednesday trainings and those are freaking haaard. And she's a like kickboxing instructor and "boot camp" instructor for the Y. But it's not REALLY boot camp it's just this intense training thing that's very difficult. And it just doesn't mean much to me because I'm blocking it out with what I'm telling myself right now. I really shouldn't do that but oh well.