always the same
from may 03, 2008;
there are a handful of people in the world i think i'm destined to love. most of them aren't even in my life in any sort of intimate way. they're just people who happen to exist, who, if they kept their minds open long enough to the idea, might realize that we could have the kind of love that would destroy everything around it. i love these contagious people, without reason. i doubt the possibility of ever seriously ending up with one of them. i think it would destroy me. i ran with it for awhile, with you (despite what i say, you will eternally be my italicized you, the you i could only ever speak about in conjunction with me). how i ever separated myself from you, i will never know. it is one of my proudest moments, and my biggest regrets. i'm merely a fraction of myself, just like i was before you. and the part of me that is missing is the part i liked the most. all the anger you gave me. i'm still angry, but without purpose, directionless. it stays stuck inside, wasted energy. i convince myself someone else will help nurse it back to life. i used to be interested in finding someone who would help keep it buried, but now i know that it will stay buried on it's own.
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additionally, i don't know what the universe is up to, but i don't trust it.
so many things to record in the coincidence journal.
there are a handful of people in the world i think i'm destined to love. most of them aren't even in my life in any sort of intimate way. they're just people who happen to exist, who, if they kept their minds open long enough to the idea, might realize that we could have the kind of love that would destroy everything around it. i love these contagious people, without reason. i doubt the possibility of ever seriously ending up with one of them. i think it would destroy me. i ran with it for awhile, with you (despite what i say, you will eternally be my italicized you, the you i could only ever speak about in conjunction with me). how i ever separated myself from you, i will never know. it is one of my proudest moments, and my biggest regrets. i'm merely a fraction of myself, just like i was before you. and the part of me that is missing is the part i liked the most. all the anger you gave me. i'm still angry, but without purpose, directionless. it stays stuck inside, wasted energy. i convince myself someone else will help nurse it back to life. i used to be interested in finding someone who would help keep it buried, but now i know that it will stay buried on it's own.
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additionally, i don't know what the universe is up to, but i don't trust it.
so many things to record in the coincidence journal.