(no subject)
i have pretty much completely fucked up this year.
this has honestly been one of the worst years of my life.
some good has come out of it though....
the good.
-ive learned how to examine myself, look at situations and point out everything that i have done wrong and all my character flaws and how to fix them.
-ive learned how to treat people soooo much better.
-ive learned not to take anything for granted.
the bad is
1. ive completely fucked up my school career. i dont give a shit anymore. i go to school everyday, its not like i ditch or anything..and my grade
point average is the lowest it has ever been. i have to retake algebra 2 next year becos im a fucking dumbass and have had an F all year. the summer school i want to attend will have me done and passed with that class in 2 weeks for 2 hours a day. good deal huh? well dad isnt letting me take it cos i need a better foundation than that. so im taking it over next year.
2. ive completely lost the most important thing ive ever had..and its all becos i made stupid stupid mistakes. i didnt step back and notice, well gee...how is this going to effect that person? i was so caught up in some drama that i completely made up when what i needed was right under
my nose the whole time and i totally abused it. i would give anything to take back everything i ever did to him but i cant..all i can say is ive learned from my mistakes.
im more cautious now and actually think about other people and the outcomes of my actions. and most importantly i dont take anything for
granted.
ive never had anything as great as him. and i probably never will again.
i was talking to this girl last night whom i love, we were talking about ones we've lost becos of stupid mistakes and how it has ruined us.....
this is the important part of our convo...
her:
oh erin im so sorry!! Your story is just like a movie. my situation is incredibly pathetic compared to yours. it wasn't even close to that
but erin, the story of you and james... those things don't just happen. you two fell in love with each other and i can tell it was real. something has to come out of it right? something more than just memories. if he came back to you, what would you do?
me:
honestly i would go back to him in a second.
and i would make up for everything i did that hurt him.
he means the world to me, he really does.
i wouldnt take it for granted this time, i swear my life on it.
i wish we could just forget everything bad that happened cos he really was perfect for me.
he is the most amazing boy i have ever met. and i hate myself for what i did to him.
but i dont think he will come back honestly. and that kills me becos this time i really wouldnt mess up.
i know what its like to live without him,..ive lived like that for about 5 months now and its honestly the most excrusheating expierence
ive ever had to go through.
im still completely in love with him
id be the luckiest girl in the world if i ever got another chance.
he wouldnt regret it.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
thats how it went.
for some reason today i had the sillyest thing in the back of my mind..that he will come back..i dont want to think that becos i dont
think he is going to and when he doesnt its gonna hurt like hell again.
but i know he and i arnt supposed to be this way.
if he would just forgive me.
ive learned.
i know what i did to him..ive lived how he lived and it is the worst.
but i guess i sucked him dry.
ive made stupid mistakes in my life.
but i have learned from them.
i guess all i can do now is go forward.
and hope things work out ok
this has honestly been one of the worst years of my life.
some good has come out of it though....
the good.
-ive learned how to examine myself, look at situations and point out everything that i have done wrong and all my character flaws and how to fix them.
-ive learned how to treat people soooo much better.
-ive learned not to take anything for granted.
the bad is
1. ive completely fucked up my school career. i dont give a shit anymore. i go to school everyday, its not like i ditch or anything..and my grade
point average is the lowest it has ever been. i have to retake algebra 2 next year becos im a fucking dumbass and have had an F all year. the summer school i want to attend will have me done and passed with that class in 2 weeks for 2 hours a day. good deal huh? well dad isnt letting me take it cos i need a better foundation than that. so im taking it over next year.
2. ive completely lost the most important thing ive ever had..and its all becos i made stupid stupid mistakes. i didnt step back and notice, well gee...how is this going to effect that person? i was so caught up in some drama that i completely made up when what i needed was right under
my nose the whole time and i totally abused it. i would give anything to take back everything i ever did to him but i cant..all i can say is ive learned from my mistakes.
im more cautious now and actually think about other people and the outcomes of my actions. and most importantly i dont take anything for
granted.
ive never had anything as great as him. and i probably never will again.
i was talking to this girl last night whom i love, we were talking about ones we've lost becos of stupid mistakes and how it has ruined us.....
this is the important part of our convo...
her:
oh erin im so sorry!! Your story is just like a movie. my situation is incredibly pathetic compared to yours. it wasn't even close to that
but erin, the story of you and james... those things don't just happen. you two fell in love with each other and i can tell it was real. something has to come out of it right? something more than just memories. if he came back to you, what would you do?
me:
honestly i would go back to him in a second.
and i would make up for everything i did that hurt him.
he means the world to me, he really does.
i wouldnt take it for granted this time, i swear my life on it.
i wish we could just forget everything bad that happened cos he really was perfect for me.
he is the most amazing boy i have ever met. and i hate myself for what i did to him.
but i dont think he will come back honestly. and that kills me becos this time i really wouldnt mess up.
i know what its like to live without him,..ive lived like that for about 5 months now and its honestly the most excrusheating expierence
ive ever had to go through.
im still completely in love with him
id be the luckiest girl in the world if i ever got another chance.
he wouldnt regret it.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
thats how it went.
for some reason today i had the sillyest thing in the back of my mind..that he will come back..i dont want to think that becos i dont
think he is going to and when he doesnt its gonna hurt like hell again.
but i know he and i arnt supposed to be this way.
if he would just forgive me.
ive learned.
i know what i did to him..ive lived how he lived and it is the worst.
but i guess i sucked him dry.
ive made stupid mistakes in my life.
but i have learned from them.
i guess all i can do now is go forward.
and hope things work out ok