I think too much and it always messes things up for me. I get crazy and end up telling the person what I've been thinking and of course it's ridiculous, and I know it's ridiculous but I can't stop myself from thinking it. then it all gets ruined.
I'm sorry, I'm a bit drunk right now, too, it's fading off, though. what this entry made me realize is that last night I told someone what I'd been thinking - you know, the stuff that runs through your mind when you think too much about yourself and your situation - and they didn't get scared. they didn't hate me for it and, in fact, they were just worried about whether I was okay or not because they didn't want me to be sad. I'm so sorry for writing this. do I even have a reason to be sorry? I don't know. oh god. ew. I'm being so gross right now.
What I wanted to say was that..I can, in a few ways (but certainly not all), relate. and I just want you to feel better. You are truly a wonderful person. You're smart, you're pretty, you're so so so so sweet and nice that it almost scares me (in a good way!) and most certainly "fall-in-love-able". You'll find someone and it will work out. because you're great. and you won't have to worry about any of this. so, alright, you will worry about it because it's just how you are - but it'll still be fine. Okay, I hope this doesn't sound totally stupid. it does. I should stop now. I'm sorry.
i'm sorry that you can relate to everything i wrote about because i know from standing here that it sort of fucking sucks. it is really hard when you can tell someone all of the secrets that you barely admit to yourself and then suddenly they're okay with it, but at the same time it is one of the most beautiful things. and i know what you mean about that. debating with yourself as to if you should share it all because it always seems to fuck things up, but at the same time it's the best test you can think of for a relatinship to go through with out creating something new. and of course there's all the added things you just tend to worry about. please don't feel bad. i know we barely know eachother, but i'd honestly feel so much better if you just told me (anyone) how you feel because that always always makes things better and i don't know your whole story but i know that there's stuff there and that makes me so sad because you are so amazing and gorgeous and talented and nice and you shouldn't have to ever feel sad, you know?
and thank you. for everything and i guess right now. i'm not sure. but it was really nice to read everything that you wrote and as always i'm keeping optomistic. i know that hopefully with time i can find someone of be at peace with not and therefore give up. i'm not sure. but i'm hoping for the first one.
thanks again and don't be sorry, i just hope that you are okay, kthnxandmuch<3 __carolyn.
I think too much and it always messes things up for me. I get crazy and end up telling the person what I've been thinking and of course it's ridiculous, and I know it's ridiculous but I can't stop myself from thinking it. then it all gets ruined.
I'm sorry, I'm a bit drunk right now, too, it's fading off, though. what this entry made me realize is that last night I told someone what I'd been thinking - you know, the stuff that runs through your mind when you think too much about yourself and your situation - and they didn't get scared. they didn't hate me for it and, in fact, they were just worried about whether I was okay or not because they didn't want me to be sad. I'm so sorry for writing this. do I even have a reason to be sorry? I don't know. oh god. ew. I'm being so gross right now.
What I wanted to say was that..I can, in a few ways (but certainly not all), relate. and I just want you to feel better. You are truly a wonderful person. You're smart, you're pretty, you're so so so so sweet and nice that it almost scares me (in a good way!) and most certainly "fall-in-love-able". You'll find someone and it will work out. because you're great. and you won't have to worry about any of this. so, alright, you will worry about it because it's just how you are - but it'll still be fine. Okay, I hope this doesn't sound totally stupid. it does. I should stop now. I'm sorry.
♥
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it is really hard when you can tell someone all of the secrets that you barely admit to yourself and then suddenly they're okay with it, but at the same time it is one of the most beautiful things. and i know what you mean about that. debating with yourself as to if you should share it all because it always seems to fuck things up, but at the same time it's the best test you can think of for a relatinship to go through with out creating something new. and of course there's all the added things you just tend to worry about.
please don't feel bad. i know we barely know eachother, but i'd honestly feel so much better if you just told me (anyone) how you feel because that always always makes things better and i don't know your whole story but i know that there's stuff there and that makes me so sad because you are so amazing and gorgeous and talented and nice and you shouldn't have to ever feel sad, you know?
and thank you. for everything and i guess right now. i'm not sure. but it was really nice to read everything that you wrote and as always i'm keeping optomistic. i know that hopefully with time i can find someone of be at peace with not and therefore give up. i'm not sure. but i'm hoping for the first one.
thanks again and don't be sorry, i just hope that you are okay,
kthnxandmuch<3
__carolyn.
Reply
and thank you. I'm doing okay.
are you?
<3
Reply
i talked to people and managed to make the entire ordeal even more confusing.
i'm just really confused.
and we have school tomorrow.
ack
thank you though for asking<3
__carolyn.
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