(no subject)
It's crazy.
I'm crazy. I'm highly emotionally unstable, one second I'm laughing my ass off, the next second I'm a complete wreck because something has just reminded me of... myself. I can't stand being alone. Not because I feel lonely or whatever, but because when I'm alone, I start thinking. I delve deeper and deeper into my thoughts, and I can't stop myself from getting indulged in my self-worth.
It's funny, what I feel and what I think, I can't even pin it down with words. I can't help wondering what you would say if I ever just said... everything. You'd be afraid of me. You'd think I was psycho.
I have this nice yellow notepad filled with letters I've written to myself, and almost every day, I add a letter or two to it. They basically all say the same thing, to sum it up:
Dear Ireen,
Please kill yourself. It's for the best.
Well, it's what I constantly think of... suicide. But I could never, ever bring myself to do it.
I'm afraid of what people will think reading this, even as I'm typing I'm considering making this post private, just because I'm so afraid.
One day in school, I was talking to a friend and I don't remember how, but the topic came up, and I told him that I had a friend who was suicidal. Then, he replied:
"Why do you hang out with kids who are suicidal? They're scary."
It was an incredibly stupid and ignorant thing to say, but he said it. It's how he felt. And I cried, just knowing that someone was afraid of someone like me.
Maybe one day, I'll grow up and I'll learn to love myself. But until then...
Someone please pray for me.
I'm crazy. I'm highly emotionally unstable, one second I'm laughing my ass off, the next second I'm a complete wreck because something has just reminded me of... myself. I can't stand being alone. Not because I feel lonely or whatever, but because when I'm alone, I start thinking. I delve deeper and deeper into my thoughts, and I can't stop myself from getting indulged in my self-worth.
It's funny, what I feel and what I think, I can't even pin it down with words. I can't help wondering what you would say if I ever just said... everything. You'd be afraid of me. You'd think I was psycho.
I have this nice yellow notepad filled with letters I've written to myself, and almost every day, I add a letter or two to it. They basically all say the same thing, to sum it up:
Dear Ireen,
Please kill yourself. It's for the best.
Well, it's what I constantly think of... suicide. But I could never, ever bring myself to do it.
I'm afraid of what people will think reading this, even as I'm typing I'm considering making this post private, just because I'm so afraid.
One day in school, I was talking to a friend and I don't remember how, but the topic came up, and I told him that I had a friend who was suicidal. Then, he replied:
"Why do you hang out with kids who are suicidal? They're scary."
It was an incredibly stupid and ignorant thing to say, but he said it. It's how he felt. And I cried, just knowing that someone was afraid of someone like me.
Maybe one day, I'll grow up and I'll learn to love myself. But until then...
Someone please pray for me.