(no subject)
i'm extremely emotional and i can't stand it anymore. not to mention the fact that everyone i know has so much going on in their lives right now, and i feel like i'm worthless and have no life. partly because its true. as much as i hate it when i get the "youre worthless, laugh in your face haha" lecture from my parents, i hate it even more than before because i know its the truth. lately, i've had the flu. i feel like complete shit, and emotionally right now, i feel no better. i'm so apathetic, and i hate it. a lot. [does that even make sense?]
seriously, i want to like someone. i don't even want/need them to like me back, but i want to at least like someone. everyone right now, is just another person who i see/talk to. i don't really think of anyone as my friends anymore. everyones just, people. this whole entry is blah blah nothing. but its how my lifes going so wahtev. i've been having urges lately. bad ones. not only cutting and everything, but like, urges from back when i was 11/12. the urges that actually no one on here knows about. yeah.
today, sabs pushed me beyond my level of stress. way beyond. i wanted to cry. really bad. she was screaming at the whole class about all this random nothing, and i got a zero on my notebook [which is actually called a fucking binder, dumbasses] and that just topped my mood off. in my binder i found a note i wrote to [someone] talking about how i was crying that one week. the week i pretty much skipped every class because i was too stressed and emotional and the week me and my parents were constantly fighting. yeap. that week. and i sat in sabs class thinking, i'm not gonna get anywhere in life. my parents were right. i don't know why i'm alive. i serve no purpose as of now and i don't see me getting anywhere with what i've so far accomplished. [which is near nothing]
so in short; i hate my life, and want to die. and if i don't die soon, my urges might turn into actions.