what now?
Dude, or dudes, i played a show today and i hated it, i didn't have fun at all which is weird, maybe because i had so much on my mind and i just could not think about having fun at the show. Sierrah i stalking alot now which is also weird, to like walk around the house and hear talking, that isn;t coming from myself, is very strange i am used to being in total silence, this will be fun I'm sure. Farryn called me today and stuff with her just isn't the same, i really liked her while in Louisiana, she was a cool chick to hang out with, yes. and she is drop dead gorgeous, i had an awesome time with her, but it is so weird to not feel a connection anymore, maybe i needed sex? and i got plenty of that from her, i mean hell.. we fucked atleast twice a day the whole time i was here, i wasnt just interested for the sex, so i can't say it was just that because she is an awesome person, but i don;t know what was wrong, i went down there with expectations to get ericka, and convince her to move here with me, the first day i was there, we had dinner, i tried to kiss her and just as my lips touched hers, she turned away, which is very unusual because, well, i guess you have to know ericka, she loves to kiss. i knew something was wrong, she ended up telling me that she was in love with another guy and although she would be passing up alot and the opportunity to make her life better, she wanted to stay for him, it really just pissed me off, i was so bummed out.. so i turned to farryn, and totally blew ericka off the whole time and basically used her in the process. i live across the street from a very famous sexy lady, i won't name any names, but she has lived over there all my life, so i know her on a person level and sometimes, not often, but sometimes i see her outside and we talk, well today we talked, about ericka. i explained to her how i had a girl who looked almost identical to her, extremly hott who was head over heels in love with me and how i still wanted ericka, who is dont get me wrong probably the most amazing girl i have ever met and by far the sweetest person in the world, but she isn't someone who society would call perfect, i personally think she is beautiful just because of her personality and i know how to appreciate people, but me and my mystery sexy lady talked about it, and she told me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sometimes people spend their whole life looking for someone just to LOOK the way they want them to and pass up chances to see great people, and to be honest, when i first met ericka, i did not think i would fall inlove, being her friend was no problem because she was the funniest person i had talked to in a while, but becoming emotionally attached was different. basically, ericka, if you read this, i love you baby, and i hope we can be together soon, it's sad that jay obviously takes you for granted because right now i am willing to love you the way you deserve to be loved.