(no subject)
for some sad fucking reason i was looking at her myspace, because this is what i do when its FIVE IN THE MORNING AND I CANT SLEEP, i drown my sorrow in seeing how she's doing.
suprisingly, looking at her page didnt really give me that weird feeling until just now, but somehow i strayed to her boyfriends page, and was reading a blog he wrote...two days ago i think.
does it make me a horrible person that i find it fairly enjoyable that he isnt very happy in the relationship, not saying he wanted to break up or anything, just sad that they never seem to find time to spend together?
the answer: yes.
it makes me a bad person, and you know what? for some reason, i just dont fucking care.
i'm actually finding a little bit of enjoyment from knowing that relationships arent the fucking ladeeda perfectness like we all want them to be, no matter who your with. its not jealousy, because i dont want her, its just...me being the asshole that i deep down really am.
god im such an asshole, and for once, im glad.
i would say fuck her, and fuck him, but that doesnt make me any better than they are.
hell, i dont even know why im so bitter, or why im continuing to write in this stupid thing.
oh well, i guess i'll just enjoy my little inner victory party i have going on in my head right now.
at least im somewhat happy, right?
i still don't know how to bring up the idea of me joining the navy to my dad...or if i even really do want to do it...i dont really have any reason to stay here, yet i think i have one at the same time, i guess i'll just have to wait and see.
[edit]i disabled comments because i honestly dont want a bunch of people saying "OH MY GOD YOU ARENT A BAD PERSON BLAH BLAH BLAH" because this doesnt make me a good one.
its not that i dont want to read what you have to say, i just dont want sympathy or some bullcrap line about how caring i am, because i only care about people i love, and those people know who they are.
suprisingly, looking at her page didnt really give me that weird feeling until just now, but somehow i strayed to her boyfriends page, and was reading a blog he wrote...two days ago i think.
does it make me a horrible person that i find it fairly enjoyable that he isnt very happy in the relationship, not saying he wanted to break up or anything, just sad that they never seem to find time to spend together?
the answer: yes.
it makes me a bad person, and you know what? for some reason, i just dont fucking care.
i'm actually finding a little bit of enjoyment from knowing that relationships arent the fucking ladeeda perfectness like we all want them to be, no matter who your with. its not jealousy, because i dont want her, its just...me being the asshole that i deep down really am.
god im such an asshole, and for once, im glad.
i would say fuck her, and fuck him, but that doesnt make me any better than they are.
hell, i dont even know why im so bitter, or why im continuing to write in this stupid thing.
oh well, i guess i'll just enjoy my little inner victory party i have going on in my head right now.
at least im somewhat happy, right?
i still don't know how to bring up the idea of me joining the navy to my dad...or if i even really do want to do it...i dont really have any reason to stay here, yet i think i have one at the same time, i guess i'll just have to wait and see.
[edit]i disabled comments because i honestly dont want a bunch of people saying "OH MY GOD YOU ARENT A BAD PERSON BLAH BLAH BLAH" because this doesnt make me a good one.
its not that i dont want to read what you have to say, i just dont want sympathy or some bullcrap line about how caring i am, because i only care about people i love, and those people know who they are.