(no subject)
I am so surprised by DJ. I am so completely amazed that he is trying for me. Here I am, ready to just give up and move on... I didn't even notice how he really is trying. I've tried to break up with him just about every night since I've moved into my apartment... but he still stays and fights the fights and tries to work through them. Even when I repeatedly told him, "We can catch up over a meal once a week, perhaps... maybe see each other on WoW. Lets just leave it at that," he still stayed... he stayed and argued with me until I agreed to let him spend the night.
Thinking about it, I've tried coming up with so many reasons for us to be apart, made up excuses and assigned too much blame to go over... and he still sticks around. He still wants to see me. I'm miserable and jealous and fight with him constantly. For some reason, he puts up with it (honestly, a part of me tells me he deserves it)... and assuming he's not just doing it out of habit, or convenience, or any of the other reasons I accuse him of... maybe it is because he loves me. Maybe.
... I still don't know if I want to love him, though. I'm still not convinced that he loves me.
I guess that's really what the problem is. And only time can fix it, and only if I'm willing to take the time. Only if I'm willing to try the way DJ is trying.
It's eleven in the morning, and I'm ready to go to bed. Today is going to be a loooong day...
Thinking about it, I've tried coming up with so many reasons for us to be apart, made up excuses and assigned too much blame to go over... and he still sticks around. He still wants to see me. I'm miserable and jealous and fight with him constantly. For some reason, he puts up with it (honestly, a part of me tells me he deserves it)... and assuming he's not just doing it out of habit, or convenience, or any of the other reasons I accuse him of... maybe it is because he loves me. Maybe.
... I still don't know if I want to love him, though. I'm still not convinced that he loves me.
I guess that's really what the problem is. And only time can fix it, and only if I'm willing to take the time. Only if I'm willing to try the way DJ is trying.
It's eleven in the morning, and I'm ready to go to bed. Today is going to be a loooong day...