Cry alone, I've gone away...
...no more nights, no more pain.
Well, it's been a little while since I've found some time to sit down and actually write an entry worth posting. Not to say I haven't been writing; I just prefer to keep some things private (much to many people's surprise) and conceal certain thoughts in the confines of hidden folders on my computer that, most of the time, I can't find again.
I've been hanging out with a lot of friends from high school and church because, well, let's face it: I have nothing to do besides be lazy and rock out. But it's been good to get away from the people I've spend the better part of the last few years with and get some new perspectives on the stuff that's been bothering me. The main conclusion that this has lead to is learning how to let go and, for lack of a better word, not give a fuck anymore. I've been harboring ill will towards a lot of people and, while that may not necessarily be a good thing, I don't really care anymore. I've tried to make people see. I've tried to help people. I've tried and tried so many times and it doesn't even matter. So I'm done. I'm done being there as the emotional dumpster for people because I've got my own shit to deal with and I don't EVER tell people anything. Some might say this is a bad thing. My response to this some: fuck off. I had a folder on my computer containing evidence of a lot of things that really were important to me at one point. So much so that I'd spend hours reading what was in it just to feel better. That folder's gone now. Completely deleted and purged. Because I'm done holding on. I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. And I'm not sorry. I'll never be sorry.
I've been listening to a lot of metal bands recently and have acutally come to enjoy most of it. I am in serious lust with Avenged Sevenfold (or with Synyster Gates, but I mean, it's whatever. I'd have his babies.) and they're all I've been listening to. "Bash your brains out for reals" type music. Song of the week (month. Year, maybe): I Won't See You Tonight, Part 1. Lyrics are sick, music is sick, vocals are sick. Bottom line: song is sick. Download that shit or just ask me for it and I'll be happy to indulge. Funny thing is that momz likes it as well except for the one song that talks about necrophilia and killing your spouses. I think it's funny.
I went to Kennesaw a few weekends ago. Probably the best weekend of my life. Drinking in the AMC parking lot. Sex and the City movie. Becoming uber-obsessed with word searches. Tutorial on shotgunning beers. Eating the best breakfast in the world. Lauren scaring the fuck out of me. Lap dances. Ass slaps. Duct tape all over my bathroom. Intoxicated alcohol runs. Michael Jackson. CLAY PETERSON!!! "How can you be eating chinese food at a time like this?!" Way too much info about sex lives of your friends. Lauren crying 12 times. Decision trees. Billy Maze is a goat-sheep. Hair's 12 shots of beer in a row. Power hour lasting 20 minutes. Dave NOT trying to get me drunk for once. Boy talks with Dan. Getting called "babe" the entire night. "You said FUCK YOU!. You are the coolest person EVER!" Running into a huge suitcase more than once. All of Lauren's clothes in the laundry basket ending up in the toliet. Playing the matching game. Severely losing the matching game. Too many shot glasses on one table. Lauren getting rum in her eyes. Going to the "county jail". Sleeping with a big puppy. Seriously being an alcoholic.
Fourth of July was swell as well. Completely took over a party idea that my besties had because I'm a complete control freak and need to do everything myself. Plus, living with Lauren for the past two years has turned me into quite the planner. Springing a party on my mom at 9:30 in the morning. Going shopping with my dad because he offerred. Good food and good friends. Playing frisbee because I'm totally uncoordinated. "Megan, I like your shirt." "Thanks, it's a nightgown." Dana and I talking about why we celebrate Fourth of July because we momentarily forgot. We're bad, bad citizens. Blowing things up. "PETE WENTZ IS A PUSSY!" My father...need I say more. Rocking out to guitar hero in attire mirroring Slash's. Dana making me hate her because she's so much better than me. Taking wayyy too many pictures of the same firework. Being afraid of fire, but a total pyromaniac? That's me! Celebrating our nation's independence with amazing people.
I'm pretty excited for things to come. The Dark Knight with Dana and Momstarz. Creepy seeing a now dead Heath Ledger on a huge screen? Yes, it will be. New hairscut finally. Zach Blalok come to me! Coontails R' Us. TealTealTealTeal. Kicking ass with Lauren for a weekend because she needs to grow up and get a big girl job. Luau Grad Party. Driving to New Jersey to see the famz = super stoked. Moreso for the car ride, but I'm a weirdo. Finding out who will be taking Lauren's spot on the island = nervioso bunnie. New semester to completely blow up again. Night classes = night creatures. Birthday plans in the making with possible ink session with two friendzies that make me do bad things. Favorite season coming.
My new glasses are rad as fuck. Except for they distort my vision tenfold.
Joel McHale is officially my husband because that's how it has to be.
California here I come in two years. SoCal is where my mind states AND it IS my state of mind. Huntington Beach, meet your new inhabitant.
Having creepy dreams about Free Willy and Avenged Sevenfold really throw my sleep patterns off. Ask me about it.
Birthday wishlist makes me laugh out loud. As do Lauren's midnight text messages. "I wonder where he learned to beebop..."
Being happy for real and not giving a fuck is the best feeling ever. TheSecret really does have it right.
I've gone alone; took all my strength.
But I've made the change.
I won't see you tonight.
Well, it's been a little while since I've found some time to sit down and actually write an entry worth posting. Not to say I haven't been writing; I just prefer to keep some things private (much to many people's surprise) and conceal certain thoughts in the confines of hidden folders on my computer that, most of the time, I can't find again.
I've been hanging out with a lot of friends from high school and church because, well, let's face it: I have nothing to do besides be lazy and rock out. But it's been good to get away from the people I've spend the better part of the last few years with and get some new perspectives on the stuff that's been bothering me. The main conclusion that this has lead to is learning how to let go and, for lack of a better word, not give a fuck anymore. I've been harboring ill will towards a lot of people and, while that may not necessarily be a good thing, I don't really care anymore. I've tried to make people see. I've tried to help people. I've tried and tried so many times and it doesn't even matter. So I'm done. I'm done being there as the emotional dumpster for people because I've got my own shit to deal with and I don't EVER tell people anything. Some might say this is a bad thing. My response to this some: fuck off. I had a folder on my computer containing evidence of a lot of things that really were important to me at one point. So much so that I'd spend hours reading what was in it just to feel better. That folder's gone now. Completely deleted and purged. Because I'm done holding on. I can't do it anymore. I won't do it anymore. And I'm not sorry. I'll never be sorry.
I've been listening to a lot of metal bands recently and have acutally come to enjoy most of it. I am in serious lust with Avenged Sevenfold (or with Synyster Gates, but I mean, it's whatever. I'd have his babies.) and they're all I've been listening to. "Bash your brains out for reals" type music. Song of the week (month. Year, maybe): I Won't See You Tonight, Part 1. Lyrics are sick, music is sick, vocals are sick. Bottom line: song is sick. Download that shit or just ask me for it and I'll be happy to indulge. Funny thing is that momz likes it as well except for the one song that talks about necrophilia and killing your spouses. I think it's funny.
I went to Kennesaw a few weekends ago. Probably the best weekend of my life. Drinking in the AMC parking lot. Sex and the City movie. Becoming uber-obsessed with word searches. Tutorial on shotgunning beers. Eating the best breakfast in the world. Lauren scaring the fuck out of me. Lap dances. Ass slaps. Duct tape all over my bathroom. Intoxicated alcohol runs. Michael Jackson. CLAY PETERSON!!! "How can you be eating chinese food at a time like this?!" Way too much info about sex lives of your friends. Lauren crying 12 times. Decision trees. Billy Maze is a goat-sheep. Hair's 12 shots of beer in a row. Power hour lasting 20 minutes. Dave NOT trying to get me drunk for once. Boy talks with Dan. Getting called "babe" the entire night. "You said FUCK YOU!. You are the coolest person EVER!" Running into a huge suitcase more than once. All of Lauren's clothes in the laundry basket ending up in the toliet. Playing the matching game. Severely losing the matching game. Too many shot glasses on one table. Lauren getting rum in her eyes. Going to the "county jail". Sleeping with a big puppy. Seriously being an alcoholic.
Fourth of July was swell as well. Completely took over a party idea that my besties had because I'm a complete control freak and need to do everything myself. Plus, living with Lauren for the past two years has turned me into quite the planner. Springing a party on my mom at 9:30 in the morning. Going shopping with my dad because he offerred. Good food and good friends. Playing frisbee because I'm totally uncoordinated. "Megan, I like your shirt." "Thanks, it's a nightgown." Dana and I talking about why we celebrate Fourth of July because we momentarily forgot. We're bad, bad citizens. Blowing things up. "PETE WENTZ IS A PUSSY!" My father...need I say more. Rocking out to guitar hero in attire mirroring Slash's. Dana making me hate her because she's so much better than me. Taking wayyy too many pictures of the same firework. Being afraid of fire, but a total pyromaniac? That's me! Celebrating our nation's independence with amazing people.
I'm pretty excited for things to come. The Dark Knight with Dana and Momstarz. Creepy seeing a now dead Heath Ledger on a huge screen? Yes, it will be. New hairscut finally. Zach Blalok come to me! Coontails R' Us. TealTealTealTeal. Kicking ass with Lauren for a weekend because she needs to grow up and get a big girl job. Luau Grad Party. Driving to New Jersey to see the famz = super stoked. Moreso for the car ride, but I'm a weirdo. Finding out who will be taking Lauren's spot on the island = nervioso bunnie. New semester to completely blow up again. Night classes = night creatures. Birthday plans in the making with possible ink session with two friendzies that make me do bad things. Favorite season coming.
My new glasses are rad as fuck. Except for they distort my vision tenfold.
Joel McHale is officially my husband because that's how it has to be.
California here I come in two years. SoCal is where my mind states AND it IS my state of mind. Huntington Beach, meet your new inhabitant.
Having creepy dreams about Free Willy and Avenged Sevenfold really throw my sleep patterns off. Ask me about it.
Birthday wishlist makes me laugh out loud. As do Lauren's midnight text messages. "I wonder where he learned to beebop..."
Being happy for real and not giving a fuck is the best feeling ever. TheSecret really does have it right.
I've gone alone; took all my strength.
But I've made the change.
I won't see you tonight.