(no subject)
My anger has just been mounting up, and I'm going to crack. I can't handle it anymore. I know I shouldn't keep it all in, but I don't know how to get it out. I feel like no one really wants to listen to me anyways, but I need to get it out, and I need some support.
This is probably the hardest time of my life right now, and I feel most alone. Part of that is my fault, but it's for the best. I'm very scared of whats to come, but I'm incredibly excited to get out there. I have the most mixed emotions right now, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm not ready to leave home yet, but I want to get out so bad. I'm so anxious it's not even funny. I want that sense of security that I know everything that's happening and how it is happening but I don't know, at all.
I know what will happen in the long run, but the details are unknown. I know that sometime after I graduate I am going up to Portland, getting my own place, and living up there. I have no idea how I will afford the rent, be able to buy anything, especially with the job I have now. I barely make $250 in two weeks. At Anthony's I was making $300 a week, easy. I love my job, but I'm afraid it's not quite sufficiant enough right now. I still have to pay for prom shit, and carnegie hall. Ahh, I'm so scared. Everything is coming so ridiculously fast, and I'm getting freaked out. I'm happy it's coming fast though. I hate this place. Ugh I just need someone to talk to. I really miss that. Anyone would. I need more friends. Seriously. I feel like I am lame. I am lame. I need more self-confidence. Badly.
If you're reading this, the least you could do is comment and say you read it, just so I know someone actually reads this shit.
This is probably the hardest time of my life right now, and I feel most alone. Part of that is my fault, but it's for the best. I'm very scared of whats to come, but I'm incredibly excited to get out there. I have the most mixed emotions right now, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm not ready to leave home yet, but I want to get out so bad. I'm so anxious it's not even funny. I want that sense of security that I know everything that's happening and how it is happening but I don't know, at all.
I know what will happen in the long run, but the details are unknown. I know that sometime after I graduate I am going up to Portland, getting my own place, and living up there. I have no idea how I will afford the rent, be able to buy anything, especially with the job I have now. I barely make $250 in two weeks. At Anthony's I was making $300 a week, easy. I love my job, but I'm afraid it's not quite sufficiant enough right now. I still have to pay for prom shit, and carnegie hall. Ahh, I'm so scared. Everything is coming so ridiculously fast, and I'm getting freaked out. I'm happy it's coming fast though. I hate this place. Ugh I just need someone to talk to. I really miss that. Anyone would. I need more friends. Seriously. I feel like I am lame. I am lame. I need more self-confidence. Badly.
If you're reading this, the least you could do is comment and say you read it, just so I know someone actually reads this shit.