Friday.
So, I've been doing some thinking.
Which do I like better: being single or in a relationship?
I never had a relationship until my junior year of high school. Until then, I had pined over tons of boys, always dreaming about the day one would kiss me. Once one did, and then several more after that, I imagined what it would be like once one of them asked me to be his girlfriend. Sure, the majority of these guys already had girlfriends, but if they were willing to cheat on their girlfriends with me, I had to be something really special, right?
Wrong. Absolutely, positively wrong.
Guys don't really give a fuck and will almost never break up with their girlfriends for "the other girl." I'm still trying to learn this today, although I've gotten a lot better about tricking myself into believing people will leave their significant others to be with me. In fact, I've only done it once in the past two years.
Yeah, that one hurt me pretty bad.
For a long time, I actually enjoyed being single. It felt like ever since I started noticing people romantically, I had always longed for a relationship. I had two, and while they were both very fucked up at times, I'm glad both of them happened. But once I stopped seeing the second person, Charlie, and graduated, I actually felt happy being alone. I had my own agenda, and I didn't even really have a desire to hook up with people for the hell of it. I was done with that stage of my life, and I was ready to move on.
That's the thing about hookups. It's new and exciting to be intimate with a new person. Quite a rush, really. Everything with that person will never quite feel the same afterwards. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, a lot of times intimacy is never experienced with that person again anyway. Often times there is no second physical encounter, and nothing else ever comes of it.
Sometimes, though, something does. And that something, provided it's with the right person, can be magical.
When you get into a relationship with someone, all the physical stuff changes. You learn the other person's body like the back of your hand, and you get to learn every one of their weak spots and turn ons. You eventually don't feel embarrassed anymore about being naked around them, if you're lucky. You can say anything to them while you're together without being afraid that they won't be into it. You feel comfortable making little noises in front of them, and want nothing more than to make them happy -- in bed or otherwise. Best of all, you can trust them with your body, your thoughts, your desires, and most importantly, your heart.
Of course, I'm just touching on the physical aspects of a relationship because I only touched on the physical aspects of a hookup. The emotional aspects of a relationship could be an entire journal entry by themselves. The emotional aspects of a hookup... Well, they're too minor to be worthy of one.
The point is, you can spend a lifetime having anonymous, meaningless sex, but in the end, that's all it will ever be. And after awhile, it gets pretty old, not to mention pretty lonely.
I have the capacity to love, and to love faithfully. To be able to share a life with someone who knows you so personally is something to be cherished, and the process of getting to know someone intimately is not something to be thrown away. A relationship takes effort, but it's something I want to work at because I believe in its power to make both people inherently better human beings. I have so much love and affection in me to give, and I need someone in my life who can appreciate that.
I feel sorry for anyone who is incapable of caring about someone in this way, and maybe even more sorry for those who are blind to how much one person can care.
Makeout sessions with random people can be enjoyable every so often, but if that's all you've got, where does that leave you? You probably haven't gained many solid friendships from it, and you're running out of people to mess around with. And you're still alone.
Yeah, I'd say I choose the relationship... even if right now the relationship isn't choosing me. Anything else isn't worth the misery it brings.
Which do I like better: being single or in a relationship?
I never had a relationship until my junior year of high school. Until then, I had pined over tons of boys, always dreaming about the day one would kiss me. Once one did, and then several more after that, I imagined what it would be like once one of them asked me to be his girlfriend. Sure, the majority of these guys already had girlfriends, but if they were willing to cheat on their girlfriends with me, I had to be something really special, right?
Wrong. Absolutely, positively wrong.
Guys don't really give a fuck and will almost never break up with their girlfriends for "the other girl." I'm still trying to learn this today, although I've gotten a lot better about tricking myself into believing people will leave their significant others to be with me. In fact, I've only done it once in the past two years.
Yeah, that one hurt me pretty bad.
For a long time, I actually enjoyed being single. It felt like ever since I started noticing people romantically, I had always longed for a relationship. I had two, and while they were both very fucked up at times, I'm glad both of them happened. But once I stopped seeing the second person, Charlie, and graduated, I actually felt happy being alone. I had my own agenda, and I didn't even really have a desire to hook up with people for the hell of it. I was done with that stage of my life, and I was ready to move on.
That's the thing about hookups. It's new and exciting to be intimate with a new person. Quite a rush, really. Everything with that person will never quite feel the same afterwards. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, a lot of times intimacy is never experienced with that person again anyway. Often times there is no second physical encounter, and nothing else ever comes of it.
Sometimes, though, something does. And that something, provided it's with the right person, can be magical.
When you get into a relationship with someone, all the physical stuff changes. You learn the other person's body like the back of your hand, and you get to learn every one of their weak spots and turn ons. You eventually don't feel embarrassed anymore about being naked around them, if you're lucky. You can say anything to them while you're together without being afraid that they won't be into it. You feel comfortable making little noises in front of them, and want nothing more than to make them happy -- in bed or otherwise. Best of all, you can trust them with your body, your thoughts, your desires, and most importantly, your heart.
Of course, I'm just touching on the physical aspects of a relationship because I only touched on the physical aspects of a hookup. The emotional aspects of a relationship could be an entire journal entry by themselves. The emotional aspects of a hookup... Well, they're too minor to be worthy of one.
The point is, you can spend a lifetime having anonymous, meaningless sex, but in the end, that's all it will ever be. And after awhile, it gets pretty old, not to mention pretty lonely.
I have the capacity to love, and to love faithfully. To be able to share a life with someone who knows you so personally is something to be cherished, and the process of getting to know someone intimately is not something to be thrown away. A relationship takes effort, but it's something I want to work at because I believe in its power to make both people inherently better human beings. I have so much love and affection in me to give, and I need someone in my life who can appreciate that.
I feel sorry for anyone who is incapable of caring about someone in this way, and maybe even more sorry for those who are blind to how much one person can care.
Makeout sessions with random people can be enjoyable every so often, but if that's all you've got, where does that leave you? You probably haven't gained many solid friendships from it, and you're running out of people to mess around with. And you're still alone.
Yeah, I'd say I choose the relationship... even if right now the relationship isn't choosing me. Anything else isn't worth the misery it brings.