....... this is the day it all ends. this is when the crap stops.
theres just too much to life that is incomprehensible. its so hard to understand something when it changes so sporadically... i have a hard time comprehending why people do the things they do and why everything has to turn out the way it does. i dont really understand why it seems to me that for everyone else i look at, life is so easy, and so wonderful, but when i look at mine, its falling apart and i cannot even begin to pick up the pieces. i am losing so much and i dont even know what to do, or how to handle the changes that are coming my way. ive tried so hard to tell myself that everything will be fine, but after so many times of making myself empty promises, i have a hard time trusting my own words. trust is a hard thing for me to find, and i truely dont believe in honesty... not anymore. ever since i was in the 9th grade, i have found it impossible to trust people due to the many times i was backstabbed and betrayed, sadly before i was even a teenage. our society is so focused on the wrong things that nobody really knows what to do anymore. i wish trust came easily for me because its become where i feel like everything is going agaisnt me, and i know thats not true at all, but i have some serious issued and i really need to work on them.
im never letting anyone into my life again, i cant handle the fact and the way other people treat one another, i cant, I CANT DO IT ANYMORE. i sit here and make it so obvious for you and everything you do but its always just shoved back at me. how can you even believe what im saying or what im doing, theres no way in hell that you can be content with all of this and think everything is okay.
im not okay.
i am falling apart, i cant take anymore of this, and i cant take anymore heartbreak in my life. everytime i let someone into my heart, they break out from the inside, shattering the outside into a thousand pieces. you can only lose so many bunches of your heart before no more can be given out. life is the most confusing thing, too bad its what we have to figure everything out in. why do i always have to get hurt.
my life is changing, im leaving this town, and i guess im just leaving my life. i dont know what i have to look forward to because i judge myself by too much, i have nothing. this gives me no forward look on life and nothing to strive myself for. i dont have anyone to motivate me, and no one to tell me anything. i want to tell someone theyre wonderful, i want to tell someone i love them.
i want to know what its like to be in love....
i want to know what its like to feel happy, and cherished.
there are so many things i want to experience, but im afraid that i dont have the drive to get myself there, and at the way im going, i dont have the courange nor the confidence to bring things towards me. i dont like it when people ask me how i am happy, and why i have "everything" i want to laugh in your face. i want to put you in my life until you scream to get out and go back to your perfect little bubble of happiness. you have no idea what its like to struggle, or to hate yourself. its really hard to live with someone you hate, let alone be them.
i dont understand how friendship works and how its impossible to put your trust into someone so much and then, that person shoves it back to you like you were the biggest waste of time.
i feel like i have wasted my time on so many things, i feel like ive wasted over a year of my life on something that never meant anything in the first place. we were never friends, and i never wanted to be your friend, after a while i realized that i never cared about you at all and i was doing the selfish thing and caring about only me.
did i really care about me though.. i dont know, because you made me feel terrible about myself, i felt like the most horrible person in the world when u were around me, and i dont know why things went on. what a mistake.
i have so many regrets in my life, and everyone tells me to put them aside for the past cannot be the present. but the past is what shapes us, and what has shaped me in my past are things that make me upset and angry. how can that no be my present. i want this to all go away, i want to go away. i want everything that was one big mistake to away
im ready for the breakdown, and im ready for this to change, im ready for something to come my way and im ready to be happy all the time. thats what you do to me, when i think about you all i do is smile, and my friends ask me how i can be so happy.
how can i let that go? especially when i dont even know anything about you.
how can you do this to me?
i dont understand where your influence is coming from, especially when i tried so hard to push you away, and you didnt even know it.
I CANT UNDERSTAND how you can influence me so much, how are you doing it? how are you doing this to me?
this is your life, but you have become such a huge part of mine so quickly. i suppose thats my fault because i havent done the same, i am not that part.
when will all this stop and when will everything fall into place.
i have put my energy into something new, but i have learned again that i was just a fool.
i waste so much energy on things that i want so badly, but other people have different feelings and im just another past thought.
or not even a thought at all.
JASHDUIASKHDLAS;KDLA;SUJOIRAWJSDNDJLJADASD;ASHEUASKDAS;LD
i dont want to live this life anymore.
i dont want to feel like this anymore.
i dont want this... anymore.
im ready for my new beginning.
im never letting anyone into my life again, i cant handle the fact and the way other people treat one another, i cant, I CANT DO IT ANYMORE. i sit here and make it so obvious for you and everything you do but its always just shoved back at me. how can you even believe what im saying or what im doing, theres no way in hell that you can be content with all of this and think everything is okay.
im not okay.
i am falling apart, i cant take anymore of this, and i cant take anymore heartbreak in my life. everytime i let someone into my heart, they break out from the inside, shattering the outside into a thousand pieces. you can only lose so many bunches of your heart before no more can be given out. life is the most confusing thing, too bad its what we have to figure everything out in. why do i always have to get hurt.
my life is changing, im leaving this town, and i guess im just leaving my life. i dont know what i have to look forward to because i judge myself by too much, i have nothing. this gives me no forward look on life and nothing to strive myself for. i dont have anyone to motivate me, and no one to tell me anything. i want to tell someone theyre wonderful, i want to tell someone i love them.
i want to know what its like to be in love....
i want to know what its like to feel happy, and cherished.
there are so many things i want to experience, but im afraid that i dont have the drive to get myself there, and at the way im going, i dont have the courange nor the confidence to bring things towards me. i dont like it when people ask me how i am happy, and why i have "everything" i want to laugh in your face. i want to put you in my life until you scream to get out and go back to your perfect little bubble of happiness. you have no idea what its like to struggle, or to hate yourself. its really hard to live with someone you hate, let alone be them.
i dont understand how friendship works and how its impossible to put your trust into someone so much and then, that person shoves it back to you like you were the biggest waste of time.
i feel like i have wasted my time on so many things, i feel like ive wasted over a year of my life on something that never meant anything in the first place. we were never friends, and i never wanted to be your friend, after a while i realized that i never cared about you at all and i was doing the selfish thing and caring about only me.
did i really care about me though.. i dont know, because you made me feel terrible about myself, i felt like the most horrible person in the world when u were around me, and i dont know why things went on. what a mistake.
i have so many regrets in my life, and everyone tells me to put them aside for the past cannot be the present. but the past is what shapes us, and what has shaped me in my past are things that make me upset and angry. how can that no be my present. i want this to all go away, i want to go away. i want everything that was one big mistake to away
im ready for the breakdown, and im ready for this to change, im ready for something to come my way and im ready to be happy all the time. thats what you do to me, when i think about you all i do is smile, and my friends ask me how i can be so happy.
how can i let that go? especially when i dont even know anything about you.
how can you do this to me?
i dont understand where your influence is coming from, especially when i tried so hard to push you away, and you didnt even know it.
I CANT UNDERSTAND how you can influence me so much, how are you doing it? how are you doing this to me?
this is your life, but you have become such a huge part of mine so quickly. i suppose thats my fault because i havent done the same, i am not that part.
when will all this stop and when will everything fall into place.
i have put my energy into something new, but i have learned again that i was just a fool.
i waste so much energy on things that i want so badly, but other people have different feelings and im just another past thought.
or not even a thought at all.
JASHDUIASKHDLAS;KDLA;SUJOIRAWJSDNDJLJADASD;ASHEUASKDAS;LD
i dont want to live this life anymore.
i dont want to feel like this anymore.
i dont want this... anymore.
im ready for my new beginning.