Just an update.
And the update is... Well... There isn't really an update.
I've had several more doctors appointments, more labwork, all kinds of fun stuff. All that's come out of it is advice to just take an immodium on the days when my now-officially diagnosed IBS acts up. As for the aches, the doctor was stumped & we ended up at a very likely possibility (and maybe a possible diagnosis? I'm not sure) of fibromyalgia, which I'm on a prescription to try to help with that. I'm not sure if that's right, but I feel like that's where doctors end up when there's no answers. I met the qualifications for a diagnosis & had enough symptoms & enough pain in enough places, so who knows.
It's just still so hard to wrap my head around the fact that I now have a chronic illness.
Makes me even more bummed about 2022. I never imagined that was going to be the last year I felt fine. The last year I felt normal. It was a good year too, & I had a feeling that because I had such a good year, something was bound to happen the next year. It's always how it is. 2017 was a really good year, despite my job, & look at what happened in 2018. Eric's father died, my mom had her aneurysm/stroke, & then Eric's dad's business partner shit-canned him & took over the business. (And that's when I learned that you can do whatever you want if you can afford a really good lawyer. What chance did an underpaid employee who couldn't even afford rent have against someone who made enough money to own a million-dollar condo, go on cruises, & rent luxury cars?)
I get so nostalgic thinking about last year. Yeah, it started off really rough with Eric being hospitalized the day after New Years, but after that it got much better. SO much better, even with the Alaska cruise falling through less than a week before the trip. It was still such a great year. I was settling in well at a new job that I absolutely loved & working with so many great coworkers (I still do, but the newness was amazing), I was learning & playing D&D for the first time ever, I did so many fun things. I went to Salem MA with my D&D party. I went to Rick's dinner & a movie nights, with Die Hard being the last one I went to. I went to the races. I had fun at our big teambuilding thing for work, & of course loved the booze cruise. (All of which my work paid for) The Christmas party last year was a lot of fun too, & I had so much food & drinks. Of course, Stranger Things was the BIG one. Any summer with new Stranger Things is good, & it was the first Stranger Things summer since season 3 dropped in July of 2019. It was WONDERFUL, & I still haven't shaken the obsession. I went out to the beach several times with Eric & Alan for fried seafood, & finally had someone to tackle that giant tequila tower with when Alan came. My brother Kyle even came out with us on Christmas Eve as well to Kowloon, & we had a lot of fun.
2022 was just such a good year. Now I just get so bummed when I think about a lot of the things that remind me so much of it. Kate Bush's Running Up That Hill always bums me out now because it reminds me of last year SO much, & I miss it SO FUCKING MUCH. I'd give anything to go back.
On another health-related note, I've lost at least 30 pounds literally doing nothing thanks to everything going on. Well, almost nothing. I don't drink much soda anymore, just a once in a while ginger ale, & even then that's super sweet to me. I'm not eating a lot of my favorite junk I used to, like a lot of the cheap shitty canned foods I like so much. (I miss my canned chilli so much though!) I'm eating a lot less, & eating smaller portions because I just can't eat much anymore. I remember being so disgusted with my weight, even last year, & foolishing thinking that I'd give anything to lose some weight. I wish I had never wished that. I've lost some weight, but this is not the way I wanted to do it. This is awful. I hurt all the time, I have to be so careful with what I eat or else I risk the worst stomach/abdominal pain and/or other unpleasant things. There's so many things I miss, mostly my canned chilli & my homemade/knock-off spicy italian sandwiches I made at home all of the time. (I got to enjoy a few of them back in July when I was, for some reason, not feeling too bad at all. I'm glad I got to eat a few more again, but I haven't dared to try it again)
This is just all so tough for me. I should be handling it better too because there's people out there with worse conditions than me, but I can't help but feel so frustrated, overwhelmed, discouraged, and/or hopeless. I'd give just about anything to feel back to normal again. To not hurt anymore. To not get sick anymore. To eat my old favorite meals again. I'm really hoping I can somehow do my annual New Year's Eve tradition of fettucini alfredo take-out & M.A.S.H. at home, but I feel like that's just asking to get sick & crippled with pain.
Anyway. These were just a few things I wanted to get out of my head.