(no subject)
I went to the doctors today and she thinks I have either mono or a viral infection. I had to get blood drawn for the mono spot, so I should know about that soon enough. Obviously if it's mono, I won't be doing anything for a while, especially anything strenuous. If it's a viral infection, she told me I would just have to rest it out and it would go away. I emailed my profs and told them what was going on and that I didn't know when or how frequently I would be in class, to see if I can get make-up work to do at home so I'm not so far behind. I actually hope I have mono, just so my mom can stop calling me lazy for not going to class.
I cried in front of my dad today for the first time in about 5 years. I had gotten home from my doctors appointment and I had changed my clothes to go to work, and he was asking me something and I just started crying. All of this is so stressful, I'm so stressed out. And my mom is helping in a negative way. She keeps reminding me of how much school I've missed because she thinks I'll fail, how much work I've missed because she thinks they'll fire me. She tells me how annoying and selfish I am, even when I'm thanking her for something or trying to be nice. She tells me my eyebrows aren't plucked enough, or that I have too many zits on my face, or I part my hair wrong, or I need to lose a couple of pounds because that's why I don't have many friends or a boyfriend. She didn't even want to get my blood drawn today because it meant taking up 20 more minutes of her time. And all of this is constant. My dad is aware of it and tries to help, but she doesn't listen and just keeps going. I told him everything she has said, and he says it's just because she's worried, that when she's worried, she bitches. I don't care why she does it, but it's got to stop.
You know in Exodus when Sawyer says "you knock a kid around enough, they start to think they did something wrong"? That's me. I keep trying to figure out why she's saying all this shit to me, but I don't know. Doesn't she think it's just as bad for me, being sick all the time and not knowing why? And I try to let her negative comments roll off my back and tell myself they're not true, but I can't help it - they affect me and how I think of myself. It's why I can't take a compliment very well, because my parents don't give me many. It's why I show the people I love how I feel about them and tell them frequently, because I never had that. Blah.
Okay, enough ranting. I'm sorry.
AI is on tonight, yay. I hope McPheever doesn't get in the bottom three again :( And uh, tomorrow is LOST! YAY! You know what that means - only one more week til JUNGLE TREK!!! YAHOO!
I cried in front of my dad today for the first time in about 5 years. I had gotten home from my doctors appointment and I had changed my clothes to go to work, and he was asking me something and I just started crying. All of this is so stressful, I'm so stressed out. And my mom is helping in a negative way. She keeps reminding me of how much school I've missed because she thinks I'll fail, how much work I've missed because she thinks they'll fire me. She tells me how annoying and selfish I am, even when I'm thanking her for something or trying to be nice. She tells me my eyebrows aren't plucked enough, or that I have too many zits on my face, or I part my hair wrong, or I need to lose a couple of pounds because that's why I don't have many friends or a boyfriend. She didn't even want to get my blood drawn today because it meant taking up 20 more minutes of her time. And all of this is constant. My dad is aware of it and tries to help, but she doesn't listen and just keeps going. I told him everything she has said, and he says it's just because she's worried, that when she's worried, she bitches. I don't care why she does it, but it's got to stop.
You know in Exodus when Sawyer says "you knock a kid around enough, they start to think they did something wrong"? That's me. I keep trying to figure out why she's saying all this shit to me, but I don't know. Doesn't she think it's just as bad for me, being sick all the time and not knowing why? And I try to let her negative comments roll off my back and tell myself they're not true, but I can't help it - they affect me and how I think of myself. It's why I can't take a compliment very well, because my parents don't give me many. It's why I show the people I love how I feel about them and tell them frequently, because I never had that. Blah.
Okay, enough ranting. I'm sorry.
AI is on tonight, yay. I hope McPheever doesn't get in the bottom three again :( And uh, tomorrow is LOST! YAY! You know what that means - only one more week til JUNGLE TREK!!! YAHOO!