(no subject)
it's easy for me to get hurt, to be upset. because i let people in so easily, and everything i do, i do it completely. i don't half-ass anything in relationships. lately, it's come back to bite me in the ass.
i don't want to put up walls that are so high they are nearly impossible to break. i like to share stories and get to know people. but where do i draw the line? i've been hurt so many times by so many people that it's getting old. it hurts. i don't want any more scars on my heart, and i don't want to get hurt again.
it's so much easier to just put up the walls, to try to make you so mad you get frustrated and leave before anything begins. if you can't get close to me, you can't hurt me. in theory, at least. i don't deserve someone so nice, who is willing to dive into the mess that is me without a second thought. you shouldn't have to put up with that, to put up with the difficulty and contradictions and moodiness that is me. but you're willing to, and i don't understand why.
it scares me that i will most likely hurt you, so i'm just trying to push you away.
but i don't want to be alone, and i don't want to block you out. everything's just so messy and complicated that it blurs my vision, and distorts the things i should do from the things i shouldn't, and the things i want from the things i don't.
all i can ask for is time and patience.
i don't want to put up walls that are so high they are nearly impossible to break. i like to share stories and get to know people. but where do i draw the line? i've been hurt so many times by so many people that it's getting old. it hurts. i don't want any more scars on my heart, and i don't want to get hurt again.
it's so much easier to just put up the walls, to try to make you so mad you get frustrated and leave before anything begins. if you can't get close to me, you can't hurt me. in theory, at least. i don't deserve someone so nice, who is willing to dive into the mess that is me without a second thought. you shouldn't have to put up with that, to put up with the difficulty and contradictions and moodiness that is me. but you're willing to, and i don't understand why.
it scares me that i will most likely hurt you, so i'm just trying to push you away.
but i don't want to be alone, and i don't want to block you out. everything's just so messy and complicated that it blurs my vision, and distorts the things i should do from the things i shouldn't, and the things i want from the things i don't.
all i can ask for is time and patience.