(no subject)
today just majorly sucks.. its as if corey just doesn't give a damn.. only when he fucking wants 2.. then when he feels like he wants something.. he decides to be nice .. even if im in a wonderful mood.. its like.. oh woww.. she thinks everythings fine.. lets RUIN her.. and im like wtf.. what did i do 2 deserve this.. yeah i understand i cheated on him and i deserve him never to talk to me again.. but i mean.. he told me we could work past this..and hopefully him get over it.. but bringing it up every fuckign 2 seconds throwing it in my face making me feel like shit isn't doing anything.. it really doesn't make anything better.. like he wants to be with me again but the more meanier he is to me.. the more im bout 2 say fuck it.. and just not do it again.. because i mean .. honestly i would have thought this would have turned out differently and him not talk to me and i'd be alone but hes still talkin to me.. blah blah and like.. its when he choices to be nice to me its cool but when hes pissed its like WTF.. IM TAKING JESS DOWN WITH ME blah .. and its just like.. we've fought more now .. then we did EVER.. and i know its worth it.. and we'll get past it.. but its like wtf.. and hes out with dave and kay.. and hes going to a party tonight.. isn't that sweeet.. i get to sit home..while he goes out and has a GRAND ole' time.. fucking AWESOME of him.. and yeah i am grounded and shit but i really doubt i'd even be with him right now.. i'd probably be wiht like megan or osmething gay.. who nkows..its just been a very hard week.. sick.. and listenign to everything happening.. fighting wiht corey and my mom and dad.. failing my class's .. trying to get a job.. trying to figure out when im getting my licence having my period.. blah blah shit.. idk .. im just so sick of the fucking world right now its not even funny..like i feel like i dont have anyone there for me.. and the only person to turn 2 is corey but hes mainly the problem who am i suposed to talk to when all he does lately is bitch. i call him and i started to cry hes like wtf is your problem now.. why are you crying.. wtf stop crying.. you have no reason to cry.. and just getting mad at me for crying.. when i have every right to cry.. i mean.. i do deserve to be yelled at but i mean.. i get it.. i understand what i did.. he shouldn't be doing this to me.. if he tlells me hes gunna take me back.. not fucking do this.. and play games with my god damn head..i haven't updated in a while.. thats fine.. its better to update once and a while not every fucking day.. then it gets boring... who cares though..i care soo much about corey and i mean i get this shit THROWN in my fucking face.. like its my job and im getting PRETTY sick of it.. yeah well.. im going to take my night night meds.. then go to bed because that stuff is like.. making me WICKED loopy.. night night =o]