Realization.
Taken like a cramp, its felt then i want it gone, i want to rest, hoping i can tend to it later; my mistakes. Its hard when there are 2 parties feling this cramp.. me and [her].. ive fallen from what i used to be, to who knows what, my personality is stuck in this rut. It hurts most at 4 am, but im asleep, its hurts the least at 4 pm.. i wish shed stay up with me all night one night. My circadian rhythms are an hour past due, my windows are bound shut, but she opens them, the melatonin is free flowing when she is around. I know now why she likes the windows open. My text is so jumpy. Nicole why do i feel like we are losing touch. I want you, like before.. before we started diving off these cliffs of "innocence". It seems we threw our bodies and left our essence behind.. i had that vision, its how i pictured you, on that cliff, with the sun shining up, you were up so high. Your hair was dancing as if i had just informed it of how beautiful it was, your eyes creased in your solemn face. I miss us, when we were so high. Its such a feat, to climb all the way, but the trip is half as long on the way back isnt it? I dont wanna try anything else, im happy with you. I miss you...
PS is it wrong for me to think sex actually does change everything?
===================
Reverberation of a dream, i want back in, with my arms concealed under her and around her body.. i want them locked up to the point of no return. I want to be inable of leaving her side, front and back. I want her to know im here, always. I want to come home. IM tired of this facade ive succumb to. I dont know who this is i embody at this point and time. But you know i remember now, i see.. i want it back, i feel myself regurgitating out of flawlessness. Candid moments, relayed into fingertips, on a train bound for her body.. sothingly, genuinly, not sexually. Im done with sex.. its drug me far beyond an abscess on my brain; can i blame it on that? Why do i feel refined and fresh, and innocent once i think about the absence of it, i think about feeling her as her, appreciative of this un-abbreviated, punctuated body, its perfection. My run on sentences dont do it justice. its 12:30.. im going to call her. I need her.
I remember..
Eccentric Justiculation (__holyshit) wrote,
@ 2003-12-28 02:26:00
Current mood: content
Current music: nicole breathing.. soothing.
have you ever just had those moments when you feel like you belong?
Im at nicoles right now, laying in her bed beside her, we have her new comforter and its so god damned comfortable. She quotes "my face hurts", i wish i could make it better :/. I love her so much.. Her and recently went through a rough time but we've pulled out soothely, when in realityI actually just think I was confused and taking her along. Sorry bout that nicole. She says "im so happy i spent the last two months of this year with you." i couldnt agree more doll. Shes so cute, i love her to death. She stuck around for these hard times, she stood by me.. she gave me tht and its all ive ever wanted but never contained the words to express it. Ive always had this problem with people id get into a relationship with, but no one ever stuck around long enough to catch me when i fell. She stayed around, she caught me when i fell, i love her, she loves me. I trudged backwards through that ever widening circle she spoke of, shes the tranisistor that makes it grow wider with expanse. Others would give up on me before i reached te end, but not her.
I love her in so many ways, her writing is so informative of how important you are , even when its not about you. She gives you that comfort by not hiding or concealing anything, like other people who write may. She desnt hide emotions between the lines of her poetry and her words. You feel as though you know her, she brings ou into her world and most writers dont, its almost like you have a friend without even knowing them. Knowing her.. You should get to know her, shes amazing.
There is so much i want to do with her, i want to walk down the streets of san francisco nd stare into the definition of people, watch and observe everyones habits. atch society move as if its a painting r a poem. Some things are better said through our eyes. im drifting here..
Tonight was amazing, she introduced me to her lips as i entered.. she told me how she loves my veins and how it was the expressway to my heart. I want her to ride them.. we talked of having chidren(not anytime soon).. we talked of staying together forever, talked about reality about how we may want to do something ourselves one day. one day we may not be able t follow.. even though we really want to follow one another.. we wlked to 48th street and chandler, it was so cold.. i wanted to kiss her in front of everyone at the intersection where it was in the bitter cold and where everyone could see. Show that the condition didnt matter.. but she got shy or she was too cold.. she ended up not playing along :/. i told her of my plan.. she felt bad, she shouldnt have cause we can laugh later, it was cute.. but then when we got close to her house she asked me if 47th street was ok then kissed me. We got undressed and talked to eahother quietly as we slowly analyzed eachothers bodies.. we took turns, it was aazing, she complimented my hipbones.. i complimented her curves and her soft skin. I feel ok talking abou how we touched eachother, it was emotional, it was deep like a poem or a book or a painting, its never cheap. I want to share because it was beautiful.. I love her.
One of the most amazing things tonight may have been sitting in he backyard on the 3 seated swing, the love seat that sways back and forth. It was amazing, rocking back and forth with her in my arms.. she kept me warm and gave my weight meaning. We listened to the tree rustle i the wind and the chimes changle. I felt like i belong in that moment, with the wind blowing that way, rustling in ways they never will again, the chimes making sounds in concession, never the same twice. Its hard to write what i don feel, i trying as hard as i can to rememer what it felt like. I just feel that when i was that cold, i didnt care.. i had the windand the trees and the night casted over.. nicole and i talked about how oppressive the sun can be, how daytime can be. It can be restricting when the sun is in your face. Nicole was beautiful.. she told me to hush up after speaking for about 5 minutes, she said to let the trees talk for us then she kissed me.. the trees rustled so loud when the wind blew harder. there was a stormbrewing in a positive way. it was amazing.. even when she got up to go inside, because after she left i realized how important her weight was on that rocking chair.. it didnt move the same the momentum was broken without her.. i couldnt move it alone. So went back inside, cause it just wasnt the same, she kept me wam and n a consistent momentum with myself. She is the ever widening circle, the expanse i need in my life. She is everything.
i want to be with her for a long time. i have no idea what the future holds.. hopefully her, and i.
PS is it wrong for me to think sex actually does change everything?
===================
Reverberation of a dream, i want back in, with my arms concealed under her and around her body.. i want them locked up to the point of no return. I want to be inable of leaving her side, front and back. I want her to know im here, always. I want to come home. IM tired of this facade ive succumb to. I dont know who this is i embody at this point and time. But you know i remember now, i see.. i want it back, i feel myself regurgitating out of flawlessness. Candid moments, relayed into fingertips, on a train bound for her body.. sothingly, genuinly, not sexually. Im done with sex.. its drug me far beyond an abscess on my brain; can i blame it on that? Why do i feel refined and fresh, and innocent once i think about the absence of it, i think about feeling her as her, appreciative of this un-abbreviated, punctuated body, its perfection. My run on sentences dont do it justice. its 12:30.. im going to call her. I need her.
I remember..
Eccentric Justiculation (__holyshit) wrote,
@ 2003-12-28 02:26:00
Current mood: content
Current music: nicole breathing.. soothing.
have you ever just had those moments when you feel like you belong?
Im at nicoles right now, laying in her bed beside her, we have her new comforter and its so god damned comfortable. She quotes "my face hurts", i wish i could make it better :/. I love her so much.. Her and recently went through a rough time but we've pulled out soothely, when in realityI actually just think I was confused and taking her along. Sorry bout that nicole. She says "im so happy i spent the last two months of this year with you." i couldnt agree more doll. Shes so cute, i love her to death. She stuck around for these hard times, she stood by me.. she gave me tht and its all ive ever wanted but never contained the words to express it. Ive always had this problem with people id get into a relationship with, but no one ever stuck around long enough to catch me when i fell. She stayed around, she caught me when i fell, i love her, she loves me. I trudged backwards through that ever widening circle she spoke of, shes the tranisistor that makes it grow wider with expanse. Others would give up on me before i reached te end, but not her.
I love her in so many ways, her writing is so informative of how important you are , even when its not about you. She gives you that comfort by not hiding or concealing anything, like other people who write may. She desnt hide emotions between the lines of her poetry and her words. You feel as though you know her, she brings ou into her world and most writers dont, its almost like you have a friend without even knowing them. Knowing her.. You should get to know her, shes amazing.
There is so much i want to do with her, i want to walk down the streets of san francisco nd stare into the definition of people, watch and observe everyones habits. atch society move as if its a painting r a poem. Some things are better said through our eyes. im drifting here..
Tonight was amazing, she introduced me to her lips as i entered.. she told me how she loves my veins and how it was the expressway to my heart. I want her to ride them.. we talked of having chidren(not anytime soon).. we talked of staying together forever, talked about reality about how we may want to do something ourselves one day. one day we may not be able t follow.. even though we really want to follow one another.. we wlked to 48th street and chandler, it was so cold.. i wanted to kiss her in front of everyone at the intersection where it was in the bitter cold and where everyone could see. Show that the condition didnt matter.. but she got shy or she was too cold.. she ended up not playing along :/. i told her of my plan.. she felt bad, she shouldnt have cause we can laugh later, it was cute.. but then when we got close to her house she asked me if 47th street was ok then kissed me. We got undressed and talked to eahother quietly as we slowly analyzed eachothers bodies.. we took turns, it was aazing, she complimented my hipbones.. i complimented her curves and her soft skin. I feel ok talking abou how we touched eachother, it was emotional, it was deep like a poem or a book or a painting, its never cheap. I want to share because it was beautiful.. I love her.
One of the most amazing things tonight may have been sitting in he backyard on the 3 seated swing, the love seat that sways back and forth. It was amazing, rocking back and forth with her in my arms.. she kept me warm and gave my weight meaning. We listened to the tree rustle i the wind and the chimes changle. I felt like i belong in that moment, with the wind blowing that way, rustling in ways they never will again, the chimes making sounds in concession, never the same twice. Its hard to write what i don feel, i trying as hard as i can to rememer what it felt like. I just feel that when i was that cold, i didnt care.. i had the windand the trees and the night casted over.. nicole and i talked about how oppressive the sun can be, how daytime can be. It can be restricting when the sun is in your face. Nicole was beautiful.. she told me to hush up after speaking for about 5 minutes, she said to let the trees talk for us then she kissed me.. the trees rustled so loud when the wind blew harder. there was a stormbrewing in a positive way. it was amazing.. even when she got up to go inside, because after she left i realized how important her weight was on that rocking chair.. it didnt move the same the momentum was broken without her.. i couldnt move it alone. So went back inside, cause it just wasnt the same, she kept me wam and n a consistent momentum with myself. She is the ever widening circle, the expanse i need in my life. She is everything.
i want to be with her for a long time. i have no idea what the future holds.. hopefully her, and i.