(no subject)
So, LeAnn and Jordan are 'back together'. --; Woo hoo. I don't know why i care so much. She's having fun and happy. I just be happy for her, right? I don't know why this bother's me so much. I mean, he;s an asshole. I'm not suppose dto care about him. I'm not supposed to give a damn about what he does. So why do I care? I mean, a couple minutes ago, i said they were flirting, and i didn't feel a thing, and then Jordan says I was right and a surge of jealousy goes through me. Gah. This sucks. --; All I want is to stop everything. My misery. My heart break. My pain. But I can't.
Me [4:50 AM]: I hate you
Jordan [4:50 AM]: what?
Jordan [4:51 AM]: how are you still online but you logged off
Me [4:51 AM]: How do you think?
Jordan [4:51 AM]: beyond the grave
Me [4:51 AM]: go away.
Jordan [4:51 AM]: why
Me [4:52 AM]: Just go away.
Jordan [4:52 AM]: why?
Jordan [4:52 AM]: what's wrong?
Me [4:53 AM]: You don't care. go. away.
Jordan [4:53 AM]: Aryn i have actually changed
Me [4:54 AM]: In half an hour, I don't think so.
Jordan [4:54 AM]: yes i have
Jordan [4:54 AM]: and it's actually been longer
Me [4:54 AM]: Why cna't you just hate me like you did over the summer?
Jordan [4:54 AM]: it's been like two hours
Jordan [4:54 AM]: what's wrong Aryn?
Me [4:55 AM]: Just memories.
Jordan [4:55 AM]: about?
Me [4:56 AM]: what do you think?
Jordan [4:56 AM]: about me and LeAnn
Me [4:56 AM]: No.
Jordan [4:56 AM]: then what?
Me [4:58 AM]: Just memories, okay?
Jordan [4:58 AM]: please tell me so i can fix it
Me [4:59 AM]: You can't fix it. Nothing can. so don't try.
Jordan [4:59 AM]: k tell me
Me [5:02 AM]: Tell you what?
Jordan [5:02 AM]: tell me why you are mad
Me [5:02 AM]: I'm not...mad.
Jordan [5:02 AM]: yes you are
Jordan [5:02 AM]: come on Aryn tell me please
Me [5:03 AM]: I'm not mad.
Jordan [5:03 AM]: why are you talking about memories then?
Me [5:05 AM]: I told you, you cant fix it.
Jordan [5:07 AM]: LeAnn just logged off so im going bye
Me [5:07 AM]: Of course. Bye.
Jordan [5:07 AM]: what do you mean of course?
Jordan [5:08 AM]: heck i also gotta go run
Me [5:08 AM]: Nothing.
Me [5:08 AM]: Go have fun running.
Jordan [5:08 AM]: -_- Aryn....
Me [5:08 AM]: What?
Jordan [5:09 AM]: are you pissed at me because of something
Me [5:09 AM]: ..no.
Jordan [5:09 AM]: like i don't know getting back together with LeAnn
Me [5:09 AM]: .......no.
Jordan [5:10 AM]: why the long pause then?
Me [5:10 AM]: I don't know.
Jordan [5:10 AM]: i think you do know
Me [5:10 AM]: then you know too.
Jordan [5:11 AM]: then it is because of that reason then
Me [5:11 AM]: -sighs-
Jordan [5:11 AM]: Aryn communicate with me here
Me [5:12 AM]: What do you wnat em to say? huh?
Jordan [5:12 AM]: tell me why
Me [5:12 AM]: I don't know.
Jordan [5:12 AM]: yes you do
Me [5:13 AM]: No, I don't. I'm being honest. I don't know.
Jordan [5:13 AM]: k then why was there that pause then
Me [5:14 AM]: You already know why.
Jordan [5:15 AM]: Aryn im sorry for whatever i did and don't be mad at me cause i don't know what i did wrong to make you mad
Me [5:16 AM]: I'm not mad at you.
Jordan [5:16 AM]: ok
Jordan [5:16 AM]: bye bye
Right now, all I wanna do is rip my heart out. I hate this. All I wanted to say was "No Jordan, i'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. I'll still in love with you. And I hate it. Now, can you go away so I can hate you?" I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate it! I wanna do something about this, but If I do, LeAnn will be miserable again and Jordan will be pissed and in his "Fuck The World" mood.
Blah Blah Blah Blah. Bored and tired. I'm gonna go now. -waves and falls on her pillow and sleeps-
Me [4:50 AM]: I hate you
Jordan [4:50 AM]: what?
Jordan [4:51 AM]: how are you still online but you logged off
Me [4:51 AM]: How do you think?
Jordan [4:51 AM]: beyond the grave
Me [4:51 AM]: go away.
Jordan [4:51 AM]: why
Me [4:52 AM]: Just go away.
Jordan [4:52 AM]: why?
Jordan [4:52 AM]: what's wrong?
Me [4:53 AM]: You don't care. go. away.
Jordan [4:53 AM]: Aryn i have actually changed
Me [4:54 AM]: In half an hour, I don't think so.
Jordan [4:54 AM]: yes i have
Jordan [4:54 AM]: and it's actually been longer
Me [4:54 AM]: Why cna't you just hate me like you did over the summer?
Jordan [4:54 AM]: it's been like two hours
Jordan [4:54 AM]: what's wrong Aryn?
Me [4:55 AM]: Just memories.
Jordan [4:55 AM]: about?
Me [4:56 AM]: what do you think?
Jordan [4:56 AM]: about me and LeAnn
Me [4:56 AM]: No.
Jordan [4:56 AM]: then what?
Me [4:58 AM]: Just memories, okay?
Jordan [4:58 AM]: please tell me so i can fix it
Me [4:59 AM]: You can't fix it. Nothing can. so don't try.
Jordan [4:59 AM]: k tell me
Me [5:02 AM]: Tell you what?
Jordan [5:02 AM]: tell me why you are mad
Me [5:02 AM]: I'm not...mad.
Jordan [5:02 AM]: yes you are
Jordan [5:02 AM]: come on Aryn tell me please
Me [5:03 AM]: I'm not mad.
Jordan [5:03 AM]: why are you talking about memories then?
Me [5:05 AM]: I told you, you cant fix it.
Jordan [5:07 AM]: LeAnn just logged off so im going bye
Me [5:07 AM]: Of course. Bye.
Jordan [5:07 AM]: what do you mean of course?
Jordan [5:08 AM]: heck i also gotta go run
Me [5:08 AM]: Nothing.
Me [5:08 AM]: Go have fun running.
Jordan [5:08 AM]: -_- Aryn....
Me [5:08 AM]: What?
Jordan [5:09 AM]: are you pissed at me because of something
Me [5:09 AM]: ..no.
Jordan [5:09 AM]: like i don't know getting back together with LeAnn
Me [5:09 AM]: .......no.
Jordan [5:10 AM]: why the long pause then?
Me [5:10 AM]: I don't know.
Jordan [5:10 AM]: i think you do know
Me [5:10 AM]: then you know too.
Jordan [5:11 AM]: then it is because of that reason then
Me [5:11 AM]: -sighs-
Jordan [5:11 AM]: Aryn communicate with me here
Me [5:12 AM]: What do you wnat em to say? huh?
Jordan [5:12 AM]: tell me why
Me [5:12 AM]: I don't know.
Jordan [5:12 AM]: yes you do
Me [5:13 AM]: No, I don't. I'm being honest. I don't know.
Jordan [5:13 AM]: k then why was there that pause then
Me [5:14 AM]: You already know why.
Jordan [5:15 AM]: Aryn im sorry for whatever i did and don't be mad at me cause i don't know what i did wrong to make you mad
Me [5:16 AM]: I'm not mad at you.
Jordan [5:16 AM]: ok
Jordan [5:16 AM]: bye bye
Right now, all I wanna do is rip my heart out. I hate this. All I wanted to say was "No Jordan, i'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. I'll still in love with you. And I hate it. Now, can you go away so I can hate you?" I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate it! I wanna do something about this, but If I do, LeAnn will be miserable again and Jordan will be pissed and in his "Fuck The World" mood.
Blah Blah Blah Blah. Bored and tired. I'm gonna go now. -waves and falls on her pillow and sleeps-