Life Is Very Complicated
WARNING:
This is long...but I needed to get this out.
If you read this..I appreciate it cuz its so long.
Tonight I came to a realization about people really close to me. This whole summer I think I have been blocking the fact out of my mind just so that I won't have to believe it. But it's true and tonight I kinda...faced it I guess. I hate growing up sometimes just because of how people grow apart and change. I hate it. And some people very close to me have changed a lot, in a bad way. Especially a certain someone which i'm sure people who know me that are reading this know who it is.
I was looking on myspace tonight on some different people's profiles and their pictures and I just saw a lot of images that upset me...I dunno. Its a combination with those and how everything has been going this summer that just made my feelings explode. Especially since i've been keeping them bottled in for so long. It was kind of embarassing because my family was right there and I just started crying in front of everyone.
My Mom told me that this whole thing to me is probably the same feeling as if that certain someone died. Because in a way...he did. Not himself physically of course, but his personality, and the person I knew him to be. It's just so sad and I don't know how to handle it. Seven or so years growing up with this person, falling in love, getting to know everything about him...and I feel like its all gone. The people he decides to surround himself with are bad influences and people who are doing nothing and going nowhere with their lives. It's not the kind of atmosphere he should put himself in. I know him to be better than that. I just think he could do so much better with his life then he is. He could make such better choices. But who he decides to hang out with, what he decides to do, and all the choices he makes is up to him. He's all grown up now and obviously is happy with how his life is going if he continues to keep it that way. It's just really disappointing and makes me extremely sad.
So yeah..like my Mom said..the way I feel now is as if he has died. Like part of me has died as well. Like all the memories and years have disappeared. ANd like always, I don't know how to deal with this feeling. But I guess that's just what i'm going to have to do...deal.
This is long...but I needed to get this out.
If you read this..I appreciate it cuz its so long.
Tonight I came to a realization about people really close to me. This whole summer I think I have been blocking the fact out of my mind just so that I won't have to believe it. But it's true and tonight I kinda...faced it I guess. I hate growing up sometimes just because of how people grow apart and change. I hate it. And some people very close to me have changed a lot, in a bad way. Especially a certain someone which i'm sure people who know me that are reading this know who it is.
I was looking on myspace tonight on some different people's profiles and their pictures and I just saw a lot of images that upset me...I dunno. Its a combination with those and how everything has been going this summer that just made my feelings explode. Especially since i've been keeping them bottled in for so long. It was kind of embarassing because my family was right there and I just started crying in front of everyone.
My Mom told me that this whole thing to me is probably the same feeling as if that certain someone died. Because in a way...he did. Not himself physically of course, but his personality, and the person I knew him to be. It's just so sad and I don't know how to handle it. Seven or so years growing up with this person, falling in love, getting to know everything about him...and I feel like its all gone. The people he decides to surround himself with are bad influences and people who are doing nothing and going nowhere with their lives. It's not the kind of atmosphere he should put himself in. I know him to be better than that. I just think he could do so much better with his life then he is. He could make such better choices. But who he decides to hang out with, what he decides to do, and all the choices he makes is up to him. He's all grown up now and obviously is happy with how his life is going if he continues to keep it that way. It's just really disappointing and makes me extremely sad.
So yeah..like my Mom said..the way I feel now is as if he has died. Like part of me has died as well. Like all the memories and years have disappeared. ANd like always, I don't know how to deal with this feeling. But I guess that's just what i'm going to have to do...deal.