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[__handsdownx]

Dont you hate it when you think you really know someone? I mean really really know someone. You thought they told you everything. Your best friend, you fav. KY cousin. Well, I fuckin hate that goddamn feeling. It fucking hurts. I was having the best 4 days going on 5...and she had to go and fuck it all up. Well, you know what...fuck you. This really fucking pisses me the hell off. Okay, for the past year almost I have been sayin..."We should go spend the night with Pappy!" Thats my pappaw. Well, just a few days ago, Her mom goes "You and Hannah should go spend the night with Pappy one night!" God fucking damn. Does anyone not ever fuckin hear me when I fucking talk. I mean what the hell! Oh, and now, I was just chattin with her and she says...Lets go spend the night. Ive been blowing this off...makin a joke out of it. But now its really starting to FLIP ME THE FUCK OUT! and then she says read this ..reminds me of mammie. God saw you were getting tired and a cure was not to be, so he put his arms around you and whispered “come to me.” With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly we couldn’t make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, he only takes the best." Okay..yeah. Then I say..I really dont want to think about her right now. I try not to. I always want to remember good times...but its hard, when you didnt have the chance to make new memories with her over summer break like everyone else did. And the last one you had with her was the worse one of your life. She says, yep me too, I only try to remeber the good times, i try to push the hospital memories up there out. WELL YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT FUCKING HEARTACHE. Id like to see her go through some of the shit I go through. She wouldnt make it. She wouldnt be sane enough to do it. I know people have it rough. Its just damn, why did I? I hate cryin like this so fuckin much. Im a cryer I know, but, its just so fuckin hard to deal with this shit. I mean it wouldnt be that bad, but i have been sayin that forever...and she sayin it like its her idea...FOR A YEAR! I dont know why I am exploding like this.

I NEED TO INVEST IN A DIFFERENT JOURNAL. A PERSONAL ONE!