im pulled down by the undertow. i never thought i would feel so low. i feel like letting go.
i am sorry that my posts have been so sad lately.
everything bad has happened in a short period of time.
my friend was charged with posession of child pornography, and the next day he jumped from his apartment balcony.
if you have read my journal for a long time, or read my site, you would know that i have been friends with him for over a year now.
it is funny. a lot of people i talk to keep telling me that i knew him best, that him and i were best friends. and it makes me feel almost special. that i knew him. i feel like i was gifted.
he has a little photo album on the internet, with pics of his cars, friends, and himself.
the front page has a pic of me and liz.. oh god i am going to miss him.
anyway. i have spent the last few hours crying and crying. i cried myself to sleep last night. my eyes are puffy and they hurt. but still i cry. i keep telling myself that this is a joke. but i know it is real.
in my head i hear his goofy laugh when i would do somehting stupid. i hear him telling me that i am "such a strange girl". i remember our last supper.
i remember everything. i remember the time we kissed. i remember the first time we met. i remember introducing him to LAC. i remember his skin, his smile. his smell. the way his hair was messy, but perfect. the way he always had clean finger nails.
i remember the way he looked at me last time i saw him and said, "have you lost a bunch of wieght?? you look great!" and i blushed.
i remember the way he teased brittney about being without me for two weeks, and promised her he would chill with her.
i remember our last hug, i kissed his neck. said thank your for supper, and said, "taz, i have missed you.." and he smiled and said, "yeah me too".
and forever i will remember this day. the day that my heart broke.
everything bad has happened in a short period of time.
my friend was charged with posession of child pornography, and the next day he jumped from his apartment balcony.
if you have read my journal for a long time, or read my site, you would know that i have been friends with him for over a year now.
it is funny. a lot of people i talk to keep telling me that i knew him best, that him and i were best friends. and it makes me feel almost special. that i knew him. i feel like i was gifted.
he has a little photo album on the internet, with pics of his cars, friends, and himself.
the front page has a pic of me and liz.. oh god i am going to miss him.
anyway. i have spent the last few hours crying and crying. i cried myself to sleep last night. my eyes are puffy and they hurt. but still i cry. i keep telling myself that this is a joke. but i know it is real.
in my head i hear his goofy laugh when i would do somehting stupid. i hear him telling me that i am "such a strange girl". i remember our last supper.
i remember everything. i remember the time we kissed. i remember the first time we met. i remember introducing him to LAC. i remember his skin, his smile. his smell. the way his hair was messy, but perfect. the way he always had clean finger nails.
i remember the way he looked at me last time i saw him and said, "have you lost a bunch of wieght?? you look great!" and i blushed.
i remember the way he teased brittney about being without me for two weeks, and promised her he would chill with her.
i remember our last hug, i kissed his neck. said thank your for supper, and said, "taz, i have missed you.." and he smiled and said, "yeah me too".
and forever i will remember this day. the day that my heart broke.