The Final Straw.
So it's real to me now. What this disorder has achieved and what I have let it do to my life. But even that's not enough to knock some sense into me.
Some of you may know I was accepted into one of the top acting schools in the country at the end of last year. Today I found out that due to my illness, I won't be going on to second year.
I've struggled through the year with the voice of my ED leaving very little room for any other thoughts in my head. I sat back in class, "hid", was shy and insecure... lost my will to perform and felt like going to that school every day was like going to hell. This is not like me. And it did not go unnoticed.
She (my illness) has found yet another way.. the ultimate way, to punish me.
I have no strength left to fight. No desire anymore for the constant battle that is food. Even the hunger has gone. All I see now is a sad, pathetic road to hospital admission.
God help me. I have nowhere left to go. Nothing left to do. What do I do with my life now? What path do I follow? I am so lost I want to disappear.
(This was x-posted in a community so apologies if you've seen it twice)
Some of you may know I was accepted into one of the top acting schools in the country at the end of last year. Today I found out that due to my illness, I won't be going on to second year.
I've struggled through the year with the voice of my ED leaving very little room for any other thoughts in my head. I sat back in class, "hid", was shy and insecure... lost my will to perform and felt like going to that school every day was like going to hell. This is not like me. And it did not go unnoticed.
She (my illness) has found yet another way.. the ultimate way, to punish me.
I have no strength left to fight. No desire anymore for the constant battle that is food. Even the hunger has gone. All I see now is a sad, pathetic road to hospital admission.
God help me. I have nowhere left to go. Nothing left to do. What do I do with my life now? What path do I follow? I am so lost I want to disappear.
(This was x-posted in a community so apologies if you've seen it twice)