(no subject)
I go to Sydney in 7 days to model. So doing the whole pre-show process of waxing, tanning, facial care appointments.
The plus side of this is that it has shifted something inside me. It started out with the realisation that I needed to at least maintain my weight or gain a kilo or 2 before Sydney. This made me feel a little more free from the ever-increasing number of restrictions I'd slowly been placing on my eating. Which led to a solid few days of starving/bingeing (go figure).
But now I really do want to get better (well 60% of me, as opposed to 20%). And fuck it's harder than I thought. It's taken since last Sunday just to settle in to the mind frame of "I will start eating normally".
Although I'm not really.
I've tricked my eating disorder!
I'm doing a 7-day detox which excludes all wheat/gluten/yeast, fruit, sugar, caffeine, processed foods. So I can eat veges, teas, chicken/fish, brown rice, wheat-free bread etc.
So still a highly restrictive diet BUT my Eating Disorder has been tricked into allowing me to not count calories and just eat what I want AS LONG as it fits into the detox. Yay!
It's so liberating to not have to determine what I can and can't eat by the amount of calories I've consumed. I'm going to try and let my body tell me when I'm hungry or full again. It's extremely difficult getting through the day when you lose this basic process.
We'll see what happens when I get back from Sydney. But for now, I'm optimistic... and more prone to brief spells of happiness than I've been in a long time.
The plus side of this is that it has shifted something inside me. It started out with the realisation that I needed to at least maintain my weight or gain a kilo or 2 before Sydney. This made me feel a little more free from the ever-increasing number of restrictions I'd slowly been placing on my eating. Which led to a solid few days of starving/bingeing (go figure).
But now I really do want to get better (well 60% of me, as opposed to 20%). And fuck it's harder than I thought. It's taken since last Sunday just to settle in to the mind frame of "I will start eating normally".
Although I'm not really.
I've tricked my eating disorder!
I'm doing a 7-day detox which excludes all wheat/gluten/yeast, fruit, sugar, caffeine, processed foods. So I can eat veges, teas, chicken/fish, brown rice, wheat-free bread etc.
So still a highly restrictive diet BUT my Eating Disorder has been tricked into allowing me to not count calories and just eat what I want AS LONG as it fits into the detox. Yay!
It's so liberating to not have to determine what I can and can't eat by the amount of calories I've consumed. I'm going to try and let my body tell me when I'm hungry or full again. It's extremely difficult getting through the day when you lose this basic process.
We'll see what happens when I get back from Sydney. But for now, I'm optimistic... and more prone to brief spells of happiness than I've been in a long time.