I should feel happy?
The parts of myself that I actively hate are the parts of myself that I savagely love. I leap into things far too soon because I know if I didn't the part of me that doesn't feel ready is never going to feel ready. Who the fuck's actually ready anyways?
I fuck myself over and over again because I know I'll beat everyone else to it. I'm only trying to prove them right. The only thing I've succeeded in this life is self-punishment. I experience cycles of guilt, defiance, and then succumb to morose disillusionment (pity party). These cycles are sometimes speckled with fleeting moments of being over-joyed. Over kill.
The sense of enjoyment is usually accompanied by guilt. For me, anyway.
I feel like shit. I feel pathetic. I feel weird.
Why is it that the only time I acknowledge my feelings are when the feelings are bad?
I fuck myself over and over again because I know I'll beat everyone else to it. I'm only trying to prove them right. The only thing I've succeeded in this life is self-punishment. I experience cycles of guilt, defiance, and then succumb to morose disillusionment (pity party). These cycles are sometimes speckled with fleeting moments of being over-joyed. Over kill.
The sense of enjoyment is usually accompanied by guilt. For me, anyway.
I feel like shit. I feel pathetic. I feel weird.
Why is it that the only time I acknowledge my feelings are when the feelings are bad?