(no subject)
there is so much to say in so many ways but its so difficult to tell you.
you are my best friend. the person i always ran to. the person that i cared about beyond explanation. the one who i can act stupid with. the only person that understood how i felt. now things changed. our friendship. our lives. everything. we were the bestest of friends. sisters practically. i dont know if you noticed but i cant handle it. i cant handle things at all. i give up soo easily and its hard to hold on. i hodl things in and dont tell anyone. i think certain opinions/ideas and stay quiet. i look at you and i want to cry. i remember all the times we used to be together in the summer. the days we spent doing absolutely nothing and trying to find something to do. the days that no one can make better..the days that are just so great that there are no words to explain it. i admit that i lacked of everything to you. i wasnt there sometimes. i wasnt the best of a friend. but it hurts now that everything isnt the same. it hurts as if someone stabbed me in my stomach and im lying on the ground watching inside of me come out. it hurts to see how we just stoped talking and be together. it hurts more then what words can describe..maybe thats why i say fuck it and i dont care. if i didnt care i wouldnt try and if i didnt care i wouldnt tell you and if i didnt care i wouldnt cry. it kills me. kills me inside. to actually realize how you can complete me as a friend and part of me. you have to be one of couple people i can trust with my life. and if you dont understand now i cant help you. its just i hate how much we dont do the samethings we used to do. people change. people fall in love. people depart. people die. the life?. not here.. i cant let go of such a close person so easily. its hard to sit here and acutally fight over stupid shit but if you look deeper then the explanations. these reasonings come up. i am sorry for not giving the effort and for not always trying to understand you. but i have come to my senses and i cant lose you as my friend adn i wont be able to . only if you can understand.
all i want for xmas is for things to change and go back to when everything as oh so perfect.