(no subject)
friday night i was the bird shit on your windsheild. i was unwanted by some, but loved by others. one thing's for sure though, inbetween every spiked-up hair, popped up collar, and every single fake diamond, i was among the few real souls. and without a doubt, i gave the party character. and you know what? i wouldn't have it any other way.
and on the open road that i happen to call the way home, with my headache and a beauitful day ahead of me, i had time to think to myself. will i ever seceed and get where i need to be? i have had this thought since the first time i heard tom delonge and mark hoppus. and if so, is that what happiness is? do i believe in god? do i believe in the teachings of his son, jesus christ? if i were to die right now, would it matter to anyone? anyone at all? would i have made a difference is people's lives? would i be remembered for the good things that i'm truly about? am i in love? was i ever in love? will i ever be in love? will i ever have that son that i always talk about? i would love to be half the man my father is, for i would be satisfied in myself. i never really thought about what was said when people said that we're all different. but if there is one, true thing out there, it is that we are all different. no one will ever be able to fully understand how i think, my loves, my fears, and my life. people can help, accept, relate, and care. but they can never truly know, never. we are all alone, each and every one of us. but people can truly help us, accept us for what we are, relate to what it is that makes us tick, and care weather or not we live out our dreams and hopes. ladies and gentlemen, i can relate to all of you. each and every one of us will find happiness, in one form or other. all we ever want is to have a simple thing like a smile upon our faces and for others to share the same joy, but it'll never work like that. accept it, as i accept you.
saturday night i was one happy piece of bird shit, i'm telling you. everyone was in a great mood since the start, on top of that, it was just the perfect weather. every member made it out saturday and had the best practice we've had in a long, long time. greg, david, and christine came out to hear us. they said they liked us, but were they just saying that because we're all friends? but then again, even the most negative comment was not even offenive in any way, so that has to be telling of us something. it doesn't matter, we think we're good and we're having fun. that's what it's all about anyway, it's just that having fans doesn't hurt. went to hannah's party and barely enjoyed because of drama between friends and just for the sake of not being my kind of party. my kind of party didn't start until people claimed down and we got back to my house. we broke out the beer and harder drinks, cigarettes, get up kids, and SLC punk. it was possibly one of the best nights i've had in a long time, and we didn't even do much! just wish a certain few were there with us..
last ngiht ryan came over and ate steak with me and my parents. i think it was time ryan and i hung out again, without any bullshit about friends, school, family, or even girls. i think he was surprised that i actually made sure everyone has happy last night (or, rather, tired to), kept my house straight, and made sure everyone was safe.
tonight some of my mom and dad's old friends from high school and college came over. christopher showed all of them a film he's been working on. it's pretty damn good, i must say. but i have to admit that i am pretty damn jealous of him. and as i was burning a cigarette, i could hear everyone clapping. everyone. you see, people have all kinds of tatses in movies, but not in music. if travel by stars played for them, they would have clapped, but they wouldn't have really enjoyed it. we're nothing but a bunch of punks to them. and even if they did want to hear us, it's a pain getting everyone there for practice, let alone to play at my house, unplanned, and on a week night. it's so easy to show a film to a group of people with just one person because everyone that worked on the film gets credit as soon as the end appears. eh, i just wish my parents were as proud of me as they are of my brother.
i honestly love and care for each member of my family and friends. even you, yeah you, the one that's reading this. i know some of us have not talked in so long, please keep in mind that i've had alot on my plate lately. and i'm sorry for every single thing that i've ever done wrong, i know none of you deserve the things that i have done. for that, i am a bad person and i am not a man. but i swear that i am willing to try to be.
and on the open road that i happen to call the way home, with my headache and a beauitful day ahead of me, i had time to think to myself. will i ever seceed and get where i need to be? i have had this thought since the first time i heard tom delonge and mark hoppus. and if so, is that what happiness is? do i believe in god? do i believe in the teachings of his son, jesus christ? if i were to die right now, would it matter to anyone? anyone at all? would i have made a difference is people's lives? would i be remembered for the good things that i'm truly about? am i in love? was i ever in love? will i ever be in love? will i ever have that son that i always talk about? i would love to be half the man my father is, for i would be satisfied in myself. i never really thought about what was said when people said that we're all different. but if there is one, true thing out there, it is that we are all different. no one will ever be able to fully understand how i think, my loves, my fears, and my life. people can help, accept, relate, and care. but they can never truly know, never. we are all alone, each and every one of us. but people can truly help us, accept us for what we are, relate to what it is that makes us tick, and care weather or not we live out our dreams and hopes. ladies and gentlemen, i can relate to all of you. each and every one of us will find happiness, in one form or other. all we ever want is to have a simple thing like a smile upon our faces and for others to share the same joy, but it'll never work like that. accept it, as i accept you.
saturday night i was one happy piece of bird shit, i'm telling you. everyone was in a great mood since the start, on top of that, it was just the perfect weather. every member made it out saturday and had the best practice we've had in a long, long time. greg, david, and christine came out to hear us. they said they liked us, but were they just saying that because we're all friends? but then again, even the most negative comment was not even offenive in any way, so that has to be telling of us something. it doesn't matter, we think we're good and we're having fun. that's what it's all about anyway, it's just that having fans doesn't hurt. went to hannah's party and barely enjoyed because of drama between friends and just for the sake of not being my kind of party. my kind of party didn't start until people claimed down and we got back to my house. we broke out the beer and harder drinks, cigarettes, get up kids, and SLC punk. it was possibly one of the best nights i've had in a long time, and we didn't even do much! just wish a certain few were there with us..
last ngiht ryan came over and ate steak with me and my parents. i think it was time ryan and i hung out again, without any bullshit about friends, school, family, or even girls. i think he was surprised that i actually made sure everyone has happy last night (or, rather, tired to), kept my house straight, and made sure everyone was safe.
tonight some of my mom and dad's old friends from high school and college came over. christopher showed all of them a film he's been working on. it's pretty damn good, i must say. but i have to admit that i am pretty damn jealous of him. and as i was burning a cigarette, i could hear everyone clapping. everyone. you see, people have all kinds of tatses in movies, but not in music. if travel by stars played for them, they would have clapped, but they wouldn't have really enjoyed it. we're nothing but a bunch of punks to them. and even if they did want to hear us, it's a pain getting everyone there for practice, let alone to play at my house, unplanned, and on a week night. it's so easy to show a film to a group of people with just one person because everyone that worked on the film gets credit as soon as the end appears. eh, i just wish my parents were as proud of me as they are of my brother.
i honestly love and care for each member of my family and friends. even you, yeah you, the one that's reading this. i know some of us have not talked in so long, please keep in mind that i've had alot on my plate lately. and i'm sorry for every single thing that i've ever done wrong, i know none of you deserve the things that i have done. for that, i am a bad person and i am not a man. but i swear that i am willing to try to be.