(no subject)
ellipsis.
my mind flashed to those near perfect days and those classically flawless nights spent together where i knew that this was all i needed. the inevitable Fridays, the certain Saturdays, the unavoidable Sundays, the absolutely necessary Everydays where you were consistently my constant. and for a second, and maybe even a whole moment, i was all you needed.
you moved away from me and for one miniscule stretch, i believed in god. and i prayed that you'd tell me that "this" was because i was ugly or fat or stupid, or mean or...or, anything but what i knew would creep from your proto-fucking-typical lips.
you said, "it's not what you think..."
i responded, "ellipsis." as if i knew.
"there is something missing."
silence.
i imagined you saying, "you're just...embarrassing...to be...seen with."
i laughed a little on the inside.
what you actually said had less of an effect and had absolutely no place in this conversation.
i prayed that this would be simple.
i felt god rejecting my plea and just as quickly, i retreated back to rejecting his existence.
i accepted my own rejection though, or perhaps it was your rejection.
such insignificant thoughts plagued my mind.
this was normal.
you never did say anything to me, but i know.
and that is precisely what it takes to dismantle my perfect little world
[that is you]
thank you for knowing that.
Everything would be fine if you were here, goddamnit.
my mind flashed to those near perfect days and those classically flawless nights spent together where i knew that this was all i needed. the inevitable Fridays, the certain Saturdays, the unavoidable Sundays, the absolutely necessary Everydays where you were consistently my constant. and for a second, and maybe even a whole moment, i was all you needed.
you moved away from me and for one miniscule stretch, i believed in god. and i prayed that you'd tell me that "this" was because i was ugly or fat or stupid, or mean or...or, anything but what i knew would creep from your proto-fucking-typical lips.
you said, "it's not what you think..."
i responded, "ellipsis." as if i knew.
"there is something missing."
silence.
i imagined you saying, "you're just...embarrassing...to be...seen with."
i laughed a little on the inside.
what you actually said had less of an effect and had absolutely no place in this conversation.
i prayed that this would be simple.
i felt god rejecting my plea and just as quickly, i retreated back to rejecting his existence.
i accepted my own rejection though, or perhaps it was your rejection.
such insignificant thoughts plagued my mind.
this was normal.
you never did say anything to me, but i know.
and that is precisely what it takes to dismantle my perfect little world
[that is you]
thank you for knowing that.
Everything would be fine if you were here, goddamnit.