It's been a couple of weeks since I made an entry so here I go!
I feel like I'm here in the world all alone and no one can hear me screaming out for help and I'm stuck all alone in a dark tunnel not being able to see the light at the end of it.
I just feel like shit because every time I turn around or try to do something nice I just get dropped and left there to fucking rot and die, which I almost did die tonight because I had just got through talking with this girl which I was dating until tonight and so just after she left I had a big ass fishing knife in my hand and as I started to put it up to my stomach my hand got weak I dropped the knife and then fell to my knees crying my fucking ass off for like an hour.
So I feel like I have nothing and no one at all anymore even though some people say they're here for me I just don't feel like that's enough like I need something more than that but after tonight I don't think that I will be able to date or even have sex with anyone without thinking of her or seeing her face in my mind even when I'm asleep.
I don't know who to trust anymore not just because of tonight but because of the past before I even came here to DOUGLAS GEORGIA! I'm not religious or even a church goer anymore but I know one thing, tonight I prayed to GOD for that whole hour and asked him for guidance and a lot of other things that I need to focus on and get help with.
But one thing I do know is that I still at least have my heart but it's a little torn up right now but the little bit that is still good I have it to give or offer to that special person. But tonight just made me realize that I'm not ever going to have something that quickly and think that everything is going to be ok. I know it'll take a lot of time now for that to happen.
But I just wish it would happen like that but well I guess that's not possible and I'll just have to deal with that even though it'll be hard as a motherfucker to do that I'll at least try. But GOD it'll be hard as hell to do and I know it'll take a lot of time to get over but I just don't think I can deal with that right now because I have to get a job and get my car fixed and then get my G.E.D. before it's all too damn late even though I feel like I'm too late for everything already.
I don't know anymore I just feel like ending it all but something tells me that things will get better I just have to give it all time. I'm just putting all of my faith in GOD and hopefully I'll open myself up to be able to see where my faith in GOD leads me and see what he has in store for me next.
I don't know what else to say other than I put my faith and my life in GOD's hands now and see where he leads me. I will let him take me under his wing and let him guide me to wherever he wants me to be.
Hopefully my next entry won't be quite as depressing as this one. LOL It's kind of funny how much pain you put yourself through before you realize that you're trusting people and believing in things too quickly.
BUT WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES AND ACCEPT THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE EVEN IF WE CAN'T CHANGE THEM OR MAKE THEM BETTER!
†††† HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND HE SHALL TAKE YOU UNDER HIS WING AND LEAD YOU TO WHERE HE WANTS YOU TO BE! BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH JUST AT LEAST BELIEVE IN HIM AND THAT'LL EVEN BE ENOUGH FOR HIM TO ACCEPT! ††††
I just feel like shit because every time I turn around or try to do something nice I just get dropped and left there to fucking rot and die, which I almost did die tonight because I had just got through talking with this girl which I was dating until tonight and so just after she left I had a big ass fishing knife in my hand and as I started to put it up to my stomach my hand got weak I dropped the knife and then fell to my knees crying my fucking ass off for like an hour.
So I feel like I have nothing and no one at all anymore even though some people say they're here for me I just don't feel like that's enough like I need something more than that but after tonight I don't think that I will be able to date or even have sex with anyone without thinking of her or seeing her face in my mind even when I'm asleep.
I don't know who to trust anymore not just because of tonight but because of the past before I even came here to DOUGLAS GEORGIA! I'm not religious or even a church goer anymore but I know one thing, tonight I prayed to GOD for that whole hour and asked him for guidance and a lot of other things that I need to focus on and get help with.
But one thing I do know is that I still at least have my heart but it's a little torn up right now but the little bit that is still good I have it to give or offer to that special person. But tonight just made me realize that I'm not ever going to have something that quickly and think that everything is going to be ok. I know it'll take a lot of time now for that to happen.
But I just wish it would happen like that but well I guess that's not possible and I'll just have to deal with that even though it'll be hard as a motherfucker to do that I'll at least try. But GOD it'll be hard as hell to do and I know it'll take a lot of time to get over but I just don't think I can deal with that right now because I have to get a job and get my car fixed and then get my G.E.D. before it's all too damn late even though I feel like I'm too late for everything already.
I don't know anymore I just feel like ending it all but something tells me that things will get better I just have to give it all time. I'm just putting all of my faith in GOD and hopefully I'll open myself up to be able to see where my faith in GOD leads me and see what he has in store for me next.
I don't know what else to say other than I put my faith and my life in GOD's hands now and see where he leads me. I will let him take me under his wing and let him guide me to wherever he wants me to be.
Hopefully my next entry won't be quite as depressing as this one. LOL It's kind of funny how much pain you put yourself through before you realize that you're trusting people and believing in things too quickly.
BUT WE ALL HAVE TO LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES AND ACCEPT THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE EVEN IF WE CAN'T CHANGE THEM OR MAKE THEM BETTER!
†††† HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND HE SHALL TAKE YOU UNDER HIS WING AND LEAD YOU TO WHERE HE WANTS YOU TO BE! BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH JUST AT LEAST BELIEVE IN HIM AND THAT'LL EVEN BE ENOUGH FOR HIM TO ACCEPT! ††††