(no subject)
I've become way too cynical.
And numb.
So the whole ordeal with Y has blown up. I'm not going into detail seeing as we're talking on some semi-normal basis at the moment, but I feel so strained. It seems so fake for some reason. Don't get me wrong, tho. I'm glad we're talking, but it seems like I'm trying to talk like I did 14 months ago and it's... it doesn't work. I can't just forget EVERYTHING that's happened and been said and thought. I don't work that way. But I am a façadary god, so there you go.
I'm tempted to make this journal friends only - even if I said I never would with this particular SN.
I forgot how "high" caffein pills make me. Paired with the beginning day of a fast, I'm quite out of my head. I should let it go and just float for a while. We'll see.
I need to get back into the swing of things. If I'm ever going to try to get over all the bullshit I'm tripped up in then I'm going to need a couple of blunts and a few good men. If I'm going to be me a year and a half ago, then I need to act like it.
Let's raise a toast to the lies.
*cheers*