to my undiscovered lover
i sit in bed, the only place that really feels like home in this city, and watch the light in my room dissappear. i am in the dark, so alone, so vulnerable. there are thoughts running through my mind, over and over again: to do lists, ex lovers, what i have said in the past, what i should have said in the past, 5th grade, high school, the 70s. these things are all in my mind - deep in my mind for me to share with whoever i want. i choose to not let anyone know, but myself and now you. in these moments, i wish i knew you. i have not met you, or at least i dont think i have met you. i would tell you everything about me and be fine with being vulnerable because i know you wouldnt judge me. you will hold my hand and i will feel so safe. i have been fooled plenty of other times with false hopes and failures. so i wonder where you are, also wondering if you are casually waiting for me. and if you are casually waiting, if you plan to start searching - because i am here and am comfortable with being here. for now. and waiting for my turn.