tryin to make a dollar out of fifteen cents
im overwhelmed. with everything, i feel like a whimp but fuck man. i have no desire to solve anything, to just sit and wallow in my own confusion. i wish things were simple... i wish my life, problems, desires, and wishes were simple. i have big dreams but i dont have enough faith in myself to acheive them. i need some sort of miracle... not from someone else but from myself. i need courage, and self-assurance. i need so many things that i dont know how to get. i hate feeling sorry for myself, but i really need to vent. i need to write things down.. hopefully it can help me figure everything out? why do simple things become so complicated? i think im developing a nervous problem. everything is making me nervous. hearing my own voice makes me nervous. not so much a threatened nervous, but more of a confusion. im always thinking, "what now?" or "what next?" im not good at making decisions on my own, i cant ever make up my mind. i think thats where... no, i KNOW thats where the problem is, my mind. i need to CLEAR my mind. stop worrying about... everything. the anxiety is getting to me. im always waiting for something better to happen. i need to stop waiting and take action. two types of people, those who make things happen and those that watch things happen. i want to become someone who makes things happen, but i feel like im doing everything on my own and im so tired of feeling so alone. i just wish i could get help or support from my parents. i got into the college i want to go to. ill be pursuing my dream career. its everything ive ever dreamed of. the hard part is getting there. its all the way in pasadena... i dont have enough money to move/live out there, but i dont have a mode of transportation. ill take the bus, but im going to go to school and work full time plus having to pay rent.. bills.. thank god for my boyfriend i dont know what i would do without him. i think hes my miracle. i get nervous when i think about him too, it scares me.
i wish i had simple solution. this is all part of growing up. its kind of scary. within the next three months my life is going to change more then it ever has. this time next year ill be leaving the country hopefully with an internship, thats if i can maintain everything, my faith and my strength in myself. i hope im responsible enough. i hope so. im so nervous.
the thing i hate the most is the feeling of being overwhelemed. if i didnt have dan reassuring me i dont think i would even be where i am right now. im so thankful. thank you god.
but the thing i want the MOST is a tall can. ice cold.... of budweiser.....mmmm
Because U Deserve What Every Individual Should Enjoy Regularly
i wish i had simple solution. this is all part of growing up. its kind of scary. within the next three months my life is going to change more then it ever has. this time next year ill be leaving the country hopefully with an internship, thats if i can maintain everything, my faith and my strength in myself. i hope im responsible enough. i hope so. im so nervous.
the thing i hate the most is the feeling of being overwhelemed. if i didnt have dan reassuring me i dont think i would even be where i am right now. im so thankful. thank you god.
but the thing i want the MOST is a tall can. ice cold.... of budweiser.....mmmm
Because U Deserve What Every Individual Should Enjoy Regularly