Mid-April Malaise
First off, for those interested. Pictures of the Georgia Journey and the Death, Taxes and Tequila party will hopefully be posted by Sunday on my MySpace account.
On the real stuff. I've decided that I'm definitely ready to move. I've found some great jobs and have to get extra cracking on the job application front. The two places I'm looking to move are Santa Barbara and the DC/Baltimore area. I was waiting on posting this because I haven't talked much about the SB option with Casey due to his crazy schedule last week.
DC is still a pipe dream option, but would be a good fit for me. Honestly, I'm leaning more towards SB. However, the things that scare me is that I'm basing a lot of "support system" out there on people I haven't seen in person in many many years, if ever. Whenever, I find a position that I would be a good fit for, I find myself crying. I wish I knew why, but somewhere in my mind I feel that I don't deserve it. Stupid, but old habits die hard.
This week is also tough for me because I'm reminded that it was 10 yrs ago this week that I was with Casey in Disneyland, and then I saw my ex Zeb when I visited his school outside Thousand Oaks (oddly enough the leading contender for a job prospect in Cali). Plus with my parents being out in San Diego with Bob's dad at his timeshare, I'm feeling extremely drained.
To top it all off, I heard that Casey is visiting Disneyland this weekend with some friends. It killed me to hear that since I can't be there with him to visit the Golden Horseshoe and attempt a random Evita moment on stage if no one else is around. I made a joke about it, but it was one with pain behind it. This problem translated through the computer and I think I put some undue stress on him. Subsequently and due to our schedules we haven't talked since (and its been over a week since talking on the phone). I have a tendency to joke about stuff that will happen when I visit him out in Cali, but I think it frustrates him in more ways that one, and that it has stopped being fun and is now getting to the painful point. However, its the way that I let go of the longing.
Just now, I got an email back from an old friend and coworker of my dad's. Her daughter has special needs and is going through hell with the Framingham school system. I feel for her and her daughter, but I'm not sure how I can help. Amanda, I forwarded the email on to you because I wasn't sure if you had any advice for me to pass along.
We look like we might get together for drinks and share stories about my dad. And now I'm crying.
I need a hug and I have to go to the store until close and expect to function like a normal human being when all I want is to go out for coffee or drinks with Annie. But that won't happen for reasons I explained in the SB paragraph.
On a happier note the party this weekend was fabulous and I enjoyed stealing Chris' cigar immensely. Yes, I even inhaled... maybe not like a champ, but I did well.
On the real stuff. I've decided that I'm definitely ready to move. I've found some great jobs and have to get extra cracking on the job application front. The two places I'm looking to move are Santa Barbara and the DC/Baltimore area. I was waiting on posting this because I haven't talked much about the SB option with Casey due to his crazy schedule last week.
DC is still a pipe dream option, but would be a good fit for me. Honestly, I'm leaning more towards SB. However, the things that scare me is that I'm basing a lot of "support system" out there on people I haven't seen in person in many many years, if ever. Whenever, I find a position that I would be a good fit for, I find myself crying. I wish I knew why, but somewhere in my mind I feel that I don't deserve it. Stupid, but old habits die hard.
This week is also tough for me because I'm reminded that it was 10 yrs ago this week that I was with Casey in Disneyland, and then I saw my ex Zeb when I visited his school outside Thousand Oaks (oddly enough the leading contender for a job prospect in Cali). Plus with my parents being out in San Diego with Bob's dad at his timeshare, I'm feeling extremely drained.
To top it all off, I heard that Casey is visiting Disneyland this weekend with some friends. It killed me to hear that since I can't be there with him to visit the Golden Horseshoe and attempt a random Evita moment on stage if no one else is around. I made a joke about it, but it was one with pain behind it. This problem translated through the computer and I think I put some undue stress on him. Subsequently and due to our schedules we haven't talked since (and its been over a week since talking on the phone). I have a tendency to joke about stuff that will happen when I visit him out in Cali, but I think it frustrates him in more ways that one, and that it has stopped being fun and is now getting to the painful point. However, its the way that I let go of the longing.
Just now, I got an email back from an old friend and coworker of my dad's. Her daughter has special needs and is going through hell with the Framingham school system. I feel for her and her daughter, but I'm not sure how I can help. Amanda, I forwarded the email on to you because I wasn't sure if you had any advice for me to pass along.
We look like we might get together for drinks and share stories about my dad. And now I'm crying.
I need a hug and I have to go to the store until close and expect to function like a normal human being when all I want is to go out for coffee or drinks with Annie. But that won't happen for reasons I explained in the SB paragraph.
On a happier note the party this weekend was fabulous and I enjoyed stealing Chris' cigar immensely. Yes, I even inhaled... maybe not like a champ, but I did well.