my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth

[__dearsergio__]

I guess it was my fault.
I fell into my own hole of vulnerability, of love.
I really felt a wave of love crash over my soul disguised as tiger balm and cough drops-
because he'd never shown me that type of concern before, I really felt... I mean, really thought, he meant it.

He filled the skeleton of love for the first time with tears and apologies that salted my wounds,
beginning their scarring process- enduring its last stings.
Then, like a child, taking first steps, stumbling glances, practicing eye-contact.
My eyes, his are my eyes, mirroring my thoughts, meeting again.

I know you. We've met, in the past. In a different life. In our dreams. In consciousness. In subconsciousness.
I wonder if I broke you the last time we met.  I wonder if this was your turn to break my soul. I wonder if we were related.
I wonder if we were meant to create.

I wonder if you are my soul mate. Deeper. The mate of my soul.

I folded the density of these thoughts into cheap words and dinners, because answering required enduring heartache and pain. I don't have the strength.  I didn't want to say the words.

So, I fell into my own hole of vulnerability, of love.
I really felt a wave of love crash over my soul disguised as pumpkins and flowers.
So, I lend it. Trust him. Love him.

But, he kept it. He'll keep it.
I fell, again.

But, I'm taking more steps now.


I'm here. I feel beautiful, healthy.



I go out, and found someone amused by lighted half-faces.



By my collar-bone...

Just feels like you, but, calmer.