Lately, I've felt rather pointless
Thursday was fun, but since then I haven't really been happy. I mean I should have had an awesome time this weekend. I went bowling three times, hung out with some of my closest friends, got new shoes, I even got to play with a puppy at the mall. I just can't help but feeling like I have no purpose.
When we played with the puppy today, I think I wanted it as a project more than anything. It would give me something awesome to focus on, and something I could take the credit for. If I was the one who did the training with the puppy and everything, then it would be me the puppy would respect. It woukld give me a chance to make up for how guilty I feel about Cooper. I really really really wanted that dog for those reasons among others.
I'm tired of the main focus in my life being boys or my family issues. I really just wish that I had something meaningful to spend my time on. My mom says that she would get me a trainer at the gym but idk if I want that. The weight issue is an entirely different thing and I keep ignoring it, even though it is obvisously becoming a bigger issue for me.
I don't feel like I really have anyone to talk to. Most of my friends seemed too wrapped up in their own lives and I really don't understand how they can completely dump everything on me and not really even worry about my probelms. Or they care and the second they find out that I'm okay, they turn everything about them. For example, Domenica just called me to see if I was okay because I posted a bulletin on myspace that was simply a sad face. Well, I made it up saying that I was only upset that we didn't get the puppy (stupid and childish but it nevertheless worked). Well she sais "oh well that's good...so about me and brandon" and went on and on about her and brandon and all that kinda stuff. I mean, c'mon she called to talk about me but obviously there was alterior motives there.
I may be taking things a bit out of proportion but I really do feel like I have nobody to talk to. I think that's why I started writing in my livejournal again. I mean, it's been forever since I've written in here but I think that it makes me feel the slightest bit better knowing that I have something that I can express myself in. I really want that dog as my project...
I wish I could talk to my mom. I wish she understood that I'm not doing a very good job at being the perfect child anymore. I wish that she could see how much I truly need some sort of project to make me feel better. I understand what she is saying about college and the dog and everything, but I really believe that this could make me feel as if I have accomplished something and that I have something to live for (I know that sounds bad but I'm not all that articulate, keep that in mind).
='(
When we played with the puppy today, I think I wanted it as a project more than anything. It would give me something awesome to focus on, and something I could take the credit for. If I was the one who did the training with the puppy and everything, then it would be me the puppy would respect. It woukld give me a chance to make up for how guilty I feel about Cooper. I really really really wanted that dog for those reasons among others.
I'm tired of the main focus in my life being boys or my family issues. I really just wish that I had something meaningful to spend my time on. My mom says that she would get me a trainer at the gym but idk if I want that. The weight issue is an entirely different thing and I keep ignoring it, even though it is obvisously becoming a bigger issue for me.
I don't feel like I really have anyone to talk to. Most of my friends seemed too wrapped up in their own lives and I really don't understand how they can completely dump everything on me and not really even worry about my probelms. Or they care and the second they find out that I'm okay, they turn everything about them. For example, Domenica just called me to see if I was okay because I posted a bulletin on myspace that was simply a sad face. Well, I made it up saying that I was only upset that we didn't get the puppy (stupid and childish but it nevertheless worked). Well she sais "oh well that's good...so about me and brandon" and went on and on about her and brandon and all that kinda stuff. I mean, c'mon she called to talk about me but obviously there was alterior motives there.
I may be taking things a bit out of proportion but I really do feel like I have nobody to talk to. I think that's why I started writing in my livejournal again. I mean, it's been forever since I've written in here but I think that it makes me feel the slightest bit better knowing that I have something that I can express myself in. I really want that dog as my project...
I wish I could talk to my mom. I wish she understood that I'm not doing a very good job at being the perfect child anymore. I wish that she could see how much I truly need some sort of project to make me feel better. I understand what she is saying about college and the dog and everything, but I really believe that this could make me feel as if I have accomplished something and that I have something to live for (I know that sounds bad but I'm not all that articulate, keep that in mind).
='(