(no subject)
Today I woke up sad. I don't know why. I had this dream, I can't remember it now, but it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I've never been someone who craved male attention; attention in general. But lately, I can't help but feel this yearning, like I'm missing something. I miss feeling special, I miss feeling like someone wanted me.
I've been in a rut. I have no motivation in school, I'm feeling so lonely. I thought that was over. I started feeling really alone again when I'm trying to fall asleep. I can't stand this. I feel so ugly. I feel repulsive. How could anyone find me attractive? Ever. I used to think that if anything, I always had a personality to substitute my lack of physical appeal, but now I question that. I deluded myself into believing that men would be attracted to my intelligence, to my talent, to my sense of humor. Now I've come to realize (a harsh realization) that those are the three things that keep men away from me. Guys don't want someone smarter than them, someone more successfull, someone who is funny.
I hate feeling like this. Like I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
I hope leaving will be good for me. New York seems like a city that changes lives. I really hope it changes me.
I've been in a rut. I have no motivation in school, I'm feeling so lonely. I thought that was over. I started feeling really alone again when I'm trying to fall asleep. I can't stand this. I feel so ugly. I feel repulsive. How could anyone find me attractive? Ever. I used to think that if anything, I always had a personality to substitute my lack of physical appeal, but now I question that. I deluded myself into believing that men would be attracted to my intelligence, to my talent, to my sense of humor. Now I've come to realize (a harsh realization) that those are the three things that keep men away from me. Guys don't want someone smarter than them, someone more successfull, someone who is funny.
I hate feeling like this. Like I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
I hope leaving will be good for me. New York seems like a city that changes lives. I really hope it changes me.