(no subject)
I keep trying to pin down the exact moment when it went from I know you to I knew you but my mind keeps shying away from it. I want to experience that moment over and over again; feel the shock and disbelief because right now the thought of you is just numbing and confusing. I'm waiting for the tightness in my chest to ease, but I suppose it gets worse before it gets better. I'm tired. It's so fucking cliche but all I can think about are all the hundreds and thousands of days I had where you exsisted, and now they're just all gone. All the time I had with you is gone and I can't wrap my head around it. I can't even count how many hours I waste wishing I could go back to one of those days...even one where i didn't see you or talk to you...just to have another day where I know you are here and things are okay. I never realized how okay things were until they weren't. The worst things in my life up until now were trivial because my family was still intact. and now even the best things in my life feel muted and sad without you.