his back was turned --- it was over.
it's been running through my head
how messed up i am.
how horrible
conceited
arrogant
stubborn
bitchy
MEAN
confused
depressed
angry
i really am.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY
AT HIM
& AT YOU
& AT THEM!!!!!
i just want you to handle this in a level headed way
FIX THIS. FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST MAKE THINGS RIGHT AGAIN.
i hate being in this much pain over something so easy to correct
it's like a letter you started and didn't finish
and the first part's in pen & permanent and even though everything's changed since then
you can't just crumble it away bc there are messages to read in between the lines
and everything else is in pencil and keeps getting erased and it's wearing out the paper
stupid
okay
whatever.
but seriously.
i feel like my love letter to you is getting thin from all the erasing i've done
and every time i've glanced at my words in ink, it makes me sick.
i just want to be okay again.
i want to be normal and happy
&okay!!!
i want to be able to smile when i see you and know that when you're smiling back you mean it
& you're thinking, "God, is she really mine?"
i just want to be able to have those phone calls again where we'd stay up all night talking about anything and everything and playing twenty questions and i feel like i've known you all my life.
WHY DO YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME???
why is it that i put you through so much because of EVERYBODY IN THAT FUCKING ORGANIZATION AND I FUCKING HATE ALL OF THEM!!!
& NOW i'm the one that's crying every night and feeling like i'm useless
to everybody.
my family
my friends
&&you.
please.
just take the remote control
& rewind this fucking soap opera
to where things were actually funny
& the show was actually good
& the two lovers looked happy, and felt happy, and WERE happy.
please.
i'm begging you
begging, begging, begging
GROVELLING EVEN!
I JUST DONT WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE
I DONT
I DONT
I DONT
AND IM BEING CHILDISH AND SPOILED
BUT I DONT!!!!!!!!
i wish i never met you
i wish i never said yes
and i wish i never felt so ALIVE when you kissed me
& i wish i forgot the chills i got when you kissed me a second time.
no
i take that back.
i just dont want things to be so hard anymore.
my happy went away.
YOU went away
& i just want you to come back.
how messed up i am.
how horrible
conceited
arrogant
stubborn
bitchy
MEAN
confused
depressed
angry
i really am.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY
AT HIM
& AT YOU
& AT THEM!!!!!
i just want you to handle this in a level headed way
FIX THIS. FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST MAKE THINGS RIGHT AGAIN.
i hate being in this much pain over something so easy to correct
it's like a letter you started and didn't finish
and the first part's in pen & permanent and even though everything's changed since then
you can't just crumble it away bc there are messages to read in between the lines
and everything else is in pencil and keeps getting erased and it's wearing out the paper
stupid
okay
whatever.
but seriously.
i feel like my love letter to you is getting thin from all the erasing i've done
and every time i've glanced at my words in ink, it makes me sick.
i just want to be okay again.
i want to be normal and happy
&okay!!!
i want to be able to smile when i see you and know that when you're smiling back you mean it
& you're thinking, "God, is she really mine?"
i just want to be able to have those phone calls again where we'd stay up all night talking about anything and everything and playing twenty questions and i feel like i've known you all my life.
WHY DO YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME???
why is it that i put you through so much because of EVERYBODY IN THAT FUCKING ORGANIZATION AND I FUCKING HATE ALL OF THEM!!!
& NOW i'm the one that's crying every night and feeling like i'm useless
to everybody.
my family
my friends
&&you.
please.
just take the remote control
& rewind this fucking soap opera
to where things were actually funny
& the show was actually good
& the two lovers looked happy, and felt happy, and WERE happy.
please.
i'm begging you
begging, begging, begging
GROVELLING EVEN!
I JUST DONT WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE
I DONT
I DONT
I DONT
AND IM BEING CHILDISH AND SPOILED
BUT I DONT!!!!!!!!
i wish i never met you
i wish i never said yes
and i wish i never felt so ALIVE when you kissed me
& i wish i forgot the chills i got when you kissed me a second time.
no
i take that back.
i just dont want things to be so hard anymore.
my happy went away.
YOU went away
& i just want you to come back.