(no subject)
Simplicity.
The lunar eclipse was amazing. I drank chai and sat on my roof and watched it. Yes, I am aware it was on Wednesday night, but I never got round to posting about it. I sat there and was overwhelmed with the feeling of being small and insignificant. It was humbling.
Today I collected leaves because they are at the perfect time. The maple tree in my backyard is gorgeous right now so I grabbed a juice box and climbed it and spent the afternoon in a tree with a sweatshirt and sneakers and ratty jeans whilst writing. I felt so young again- it was wonderful to feel like things are back to normalcy.
Speaking of normalcy, it is almost the anniversary of the date that Chris killed himself. It is going on 6 years. It feels like so long, but at the same time, I can still remember going over that house and eating boxed mac and cheese and playing football on the front lawn. He was my first kiss- and about 5 years my senior. I miss him terribly. I think about him a lot, still.
Emotion.
It's sad to feel like you can't go back. And that things are so bad that it ends. I have been there, but I have learned. I wish he did, but he didn't. He was, my first brush with reality. Reality. Strong word, reality is. Je ne crois pas. Non ho conquistado. Peut-etre, c'est pour le meilleur. Enfin, il vit. Tu n'aller jamais de derriere.
But this isn't about him. It's about how things can change. The lunar eclipse. The leaves. Chris' suicide. Everything changes. It is amazing.
But what if I really am confusing love with need?
The lunar eclipse was amazing. I drank chai and sat on my roof and watched it. Yes, I am aware it was on Wednesday night, but I never got round to posting about it. I sat there and was overwhelmed with the feeling of being small and insignificant. It was humbling.
Today I collected leaves because they are at the perfect time. The maple tree in my backyard is gorgeous right now so I grabbed a juice box and climbed it and spent the afternoon in a tree with a sweatshirt and sneakers and ratty jeans whilst writing. I felt so young again- it was wonderful to feel like things are back to normalcy.
Speaking of normalcy, it is almost the anniversary of the date that Chris killed himself. It is going on 6 years. It feels like so long, but at the same time, I can still remember going over that house and eating boxed mac and cheese and playing football on the front lawn. He was my first kiss- and about 5 years my senior. I miss him terribly. I think about him a lot, still.
Emotion.
It's sad to feel like you can't go back. And that things are so bad that it ends. I have been there, but I have learned. I wish he did, but he didn't. He was, my first brush with reality. Reality. Strong word, reality is. Je ne crois pas. Non ho conquistado. Peut-etre, c'est pour le meilleur. Enfin, il vit. Tu n'aller jamais de derriere.
But this isn't about him. It's about how things can change. The lunar eclipse. The leaves. Chris' suicide. Everything changes. It is amazing.
But what if I really am confusing love with need?