Everyday and everyplace, everywhere I kissed your face
things are going good right now. i've been thinking soooooo incredibly much lately, about so many different things, and i think, despite the faults, i'm content now. my friends, what can i say, i couldn't ask for better. i'm having fun, happy, and have nothing to be sad or upset about. matty is gone, yes, but it's something i need to get used to. him and i had a talk, before he left for the first time, and he told me that he doesn't want me holding back, and that this is the best time of my life, and he's going to be gone for long times, and often, and that if an oppurtunity comes, to take it and run with it. he told me that he doesn't want me holding back, because of him. but here's the thing...
yes, this is the best times of my life, and i only have one life to live, and i should have fun and take things easy, not so seriously, but...i still love him. and i want to end up with him, in the end, no matter what comes between us now. there's certain issues, and dilemmas, right now, and i think i have an idea of what i should do, from thinking about it so much. it's just that, if i "move on" or "date" other people, i know, as soon as he comes home, i'll want to be with him. and i know, that i'll be thinking about him alot, and i dont feel like that is right, to that other person. but while he's gone, i want to take his words, and the words of the wise, and be with other people, if the oppurtunity comes, and not feel so lonely. what if i wait, and dismiss all of these chances, and things don't work out with me and him? that's so much wasted time...and it is wasted, because nothing happened during it, and nothing amounted from it. i just wish, i know this sounds bad, that while he's gone and stuff, i could be with other people, not in a serious fashion, just like...someone to hold, and stuff? i don't know, and then it not be a problem, that i still love matty, and that i can talk to that other person about how i feel about matty and stuff...kind of like a real close friend, but they're more than a friend, but they accept the fact that i love matty? i dont know it's like...real weird. i'm so afraid of hurting other people, and matty, more than myself. this is just...really hard, and i am so bad at coping with distance. i can say, from the bottom of my heart, that i want to be with matty. that's all there is to it. but it's like, i feel like i'm missing out on my high school years. like him - when he was back here, over our like 5 years?, if he found someone else, that he liked, he acted upon it, but it wasn't a serious thing, and he always came back to me. that's kind of i guess, what i want. i'm not married, and there's plenty of life left (hopefully) to be serious, and i just want cute little flings i guess. nothing serious. i don't want anyone falling hard anymore, becuase, there's too much between me and matty, to break it apart, and it's too much to throw away. it might just be wishful thinking, but if it survived this long, with everything we've been through, since freaking...7th grade or whenever i met him, that i think it's something more than a stupid HS relationship. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
tell me what you think
yes, this is the best times of my life, and i only have one life to live, and i should have fun and take things easy, not so seriously, but...i still love him. and i want to end up with him, in the end, no matter what comes between us now. there's certain issues, and dilemmas, right now, and i think i have an idea of what i should do, from thinking about it so much. it's just that, if i "move on" or "date" other people, i know, as soon as he comes home, i'll want to be with him. and i know, that i'll be thinking about him alot, and i dont feel like that is right, to that other person. but while he's gone, i want to take his words, and the words of the wise, and be with other people, if the oppurtunity comes, and not feel so lonely. what if i wait, and dismiss all of these chances, and things don't work out with me and him? that's so much wasted time...and it is wasted, because nothing happened during it, and nothing amounted from it. i just wish, i know this sounds bad, that while he's gone and stuff, i could be with other people, not in a serious fashion, just like...someone to hold, and stuff? i don't know, and then it not be a problem, that i still love matty, and that i can talk to that other person about how i feel about matty and stuff...kind of like a real close friend, but they're more than a friend, but they accept the fact that i love matty? i dont know it's like...real weird. i'm so afraid of hurting other people, and matty, more than myself. this is just...really hard, and i am so bad at coping with distance. i can say, from the bottom of my heart, that i want to be with matty. that's all there is to it. but it's like, i feel like i'm missing out on my high school years. like him - when he was back here, over our like 5 years?, if he found someone else, that he liked, he acted upon it, but it wasn't a serious thing, and he always came back to me. that's kind of i guess, what i want. i'm not married, and there's plenty of life left (hopefully) to be serious, and i just want cute little flings i guess. nothing serious. i don't want anyone falling hard anymore, becuase, there's too much between me and matty, to break it apart, and it's too much to throw away. it might just be wishful thinking, but if it survived this long, with everything we've been through, since freaking...7th grade or whenever i met him, that i think it's something more than a stupid HS relationship. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
tell me what you think