sometimes i do dangerous things

[theurbancowboy]

You'd think that in my former line of work nothing would surprise me, now though, I can say that I have been surprised. Tara Mclay has thrown my entire world off it's fucking access, and I'm not exactly all that worried about it. I should be, considering I've now literally gotten into bed with a vampire. A Vampire whose soul is somehow still in her

Comments

[sexytarawitch]

Fuck me I want him.

"I want you..." I murmured softly. I realized why now. He doesn't lay down and roll over when he thinks it's best, he doesn't say what has to be said or what's best. He see's shit and calls it and that's the harsh reality I need now. Spike coddle's me and it's suffocating. He wants me to be happy, I get that. But being happy can only cover the misery for so long.

Now I'm standing and I can feel the cool breeze on my face and I stop for a second to wonder when I started crying. "Shut up." I whispered, looking at him with hard eyes. "Everything has to be black and white with you, hard truth, hard fact. Has to be spit out onto the floor so you can examine it. It's frustrating and desperately annoying...but refreshingly honest."

I ran my fingers through my hair with both hands and sighed. Trying to get the words out of my mouth without sounding like some desperate and whiny child. Wasn't going to happen.

"Lindsey, you don't get it. I guess I can understand that because we don't know each other. I hate talking about myself and you flat out won't. What a pair we make."

I licked my lips and my eyes met his. "What do I want from you? I want you incase you didn't get the memo. Since you need to have everything spelt out for you." With each word I pushed him towards the wall till he was backed up against it. "I want you, I do, Tara, the girl that I was, am, gonna be. I don't know. All I know is that I want you. And incase you didn't get it before what I was trying to say - what the real me, you know who I really am, the girl that can't speak - is that I never asked him to claim me, I didn't want him to claim me. But I..."

Pulling back from him I sighed, feeling myself slipping just slightly past that void that I've started to feel all so well. "Why's it so hard for you to look in my eyes and just know that I want you, that I want you to claim me..." I stalked past him and headed straight for the fridge, tossing out the human blood and pulling out a container of pigs blood. No other human blood was going to cure any craving I had but his.

[theurbancowboy]

Part of me wanted to comfort her and the rest just needed to hear whatever it was that she was going to say. It wasn't that I didn't want to hear what she was saying, because everything she said made some sick kind of sense to me in my head, I was just trying to process all of it. Make the connection that someone wanted me, I had a hard time trusting people, no one had ever given me any reason to change, not even Angel in all his righteous 'let me help you' glory.

I'd said my grand old fuck you to the human race years ago and I'm a fucking creature of habit. Yet here she was standing in front of me asking me in no uncertain terms to just have some fucking faith.

I couldn't help but cock my head to the side and grin, so i'm an asshole this has been fucking established.

"I'm a lawyer, what the fuck do you expect? Add the fact that the firm I work for is essentially evil, there's the general answer. Also I never said I wouldn't tell you, I said you had to ask."

I pushed myself away from the wall and walked towards her, watching her fiddle with a container of blood and a mug and the microwave. She sent me a glare and went back to what she was doing.

"I'm not sure that you understand exactly what you are asking from me. It's not your fault you don't get it because I wouldn't either. I lost my faith in anything and everything including myself so long ago I don't even remember what it felt like to have faith. Your asking me to put aside everything I know about the world, my life and everything and have faith in you ..."

I thought about it for a second before walking closer and pulling her back against my chest.

"What you don't realize, what I didn't realize till now is I've already got faith in you, it's the reason I stayed in this fucking town and the reason I'm not scared of you in the slightest. It's the reason I'm so fucking scared all at the same time, because you have power over me and I don't let people ever, ever get that close."

I sighed and let her go, "And I didn't even fucking notice it happening."

[sexytarawitch]

Something softened inside me when he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. I listened to what he said and my mind was still running over what he said before. Nobody's ever had faith in me.

"I don't want you to be scared of me Lindsey, I never was anything to be scared of. I was always the one afraid." I didn't want him to be scared of me. You can't have a relationship - or a friendship - if you're scared of the other person.

He took his arms from around my waist and I stood there with my eyes closed. "W-what...what if I told you not to let go? That I wanted you to touch me, just have your arms around me..."

I pulled the blood out of the microwave and downed the cup, facing away from him as I squeezed my eyes closed. I still didn't like drinking it or smelling it or knowing someone was smelling it and watching me drink it.

Turning to face him I sighed, leaning against the counter and just realizing that I still only had a towel on. I ignored that fact and looked him square in the eye. If we were gonna do this everything had to be on the table. "Alright, lawyer man. If I don't understand what I'm asking from you then tell me. What do you want from me and what do you think that I want from you? Simple questions."

[theurbancowboy]

It didn't faze me watching her down the blood but it was obvious she wasn't completely comfortable with it. I took a step towards her and pulled her into my arms.

"First of all, I'm not scared of you, that's not what I meant. I'm scared because ... fuck, I can't explain it, you aren't some girl to me, you aren't some obbsession and I don't know Tara, things like this have never been an issue for me before. Darla? She scared me, not because of how I felt about her but because of what she was, the way she carried herself and I knew she felt no loyalties to me. You ... I'm not afraid of you."

I sighed and kissed her left temple and then her right. I was never all that affectionate with women, I just felt the need to just do that, fuck if I was going to try to explain it to myself.

"What do I want from you? I want you, I want you to want me, every single inch of you I want to burn for me. I don't want you to want him, I want you to forget about that bleach blonde bastard but I'm aware that I can't have that. I don't want you to think about him when your with me, I want you to be consumed I want you to be right here with me, no holds-bared, no holding back. I don't fucking judge you, not really. I want you to need me, want me, desire me, maybe I even fucking want you to love me, but I don't even know if I know what love is."

Fuck did I really just say that? Did I mean that? Alright I knew I meant it. Maybe that's what this was, what I couldn't explain because I'd never had it before.

"I expect you to want the same from me."

[sexytarawitch]

Listening, something I was always good at when I was human. Hasn't changed even now, I can hear thing's clearer but I still heard. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, resting my head against his chest.

Thump...thump...thump...thump...

His heartbeat was soothing under my ear and for once it didn't sound like a curse, but a blessing. I was quiet for a moment, content really, before I spoke. I wanted to get this right, or as right as two people like us could get.

Pulling back I looked up at him and laced my fingers with his. "There's nothing of mine you can't have. I've offered it willingly. The only thing I can't promise you now is my heart." I gave his hands a squeeze and made him look at me. "Not because I don't want to, but because it's too battered and bruised for anyone right now. This past year has been hell on me Lindsey. I don't know how I made it this far."

Rubbing my thumb's over his hands I sighed. "I do want you, I need you, something inside me craves you. That should have been apparent by me showing up here by picking up your scent, seeking you out because I needed you. For the record? I don't think about him here, I came her so I wouldn't have to think about him, that's why I sent him away from Sunnydale." I leaned up and kissed him softly, ghosting my lips over his as I spoke. "As for the wanting...Silly boy haven't you listened to a word I said in the other room. I want you to claim me as yours...and not how vampires do..."

[theurbancowboy]

We were standing there baring our souls and shit like that and I couldn’t help but think this had to be what Angel would do. Not that he’d go fuck a vulnerable vampire, ok so maybe he would, just meant he’d do the baring thing, seemed like something he’d be good at. Fucker loved waxing poetic, such a goddamn show off. And why the fuck am I thinking about Angel? Oh right, progeny.

Never had anyone even pretend to offer me everything they are, everything they had? Yeah, what the fuck do you think I am stupid? Wolfram & Hart didn’t go recruiting by using a fucking video, they promised the world, the power, it was everything they had to keep us under their talons, and yeah I said fucking talons not thumbs. But this? Now this was something new entirely.

I looked into those eyes of her and fuck if I didn’t forget every single reason this could be a bad idea. Not that I was actively thinking about how I should throw her out, cause hell if I actually wanted to. She said her heart wasn’t mine, didn’t phase me, maybe it should have, maybe I should have demanded it, but who the fuck would that make me? I’m not her vampire boyfriend and I’m not taking a damn thing she’s not willing to give. Fuck him.

She was talking about something, something about needing me if I caught anything she said. Unfortunately I was kind of focusing on watching her lips move, hell if those lips weren’t so fucking inviting that I could scream at the frustration, cause they weren’t fucking pressed to mine! Finally she kissed me softly and said that she wanted me to claim her, I gave her a questioning look. Claim how exactly? I mean we’d fucked, we’d fought, she hadn’t fed but she said not how vampires did. How exactly did she want me to claim her?
Instead of bothering to ask I let her hands drop from mine and pulled her closer, pressing my lips to her oh so inviting ones. Damn this woman. If I wasn’t going to hell before? I sure as fuck am now.

[sexytarawitch]

He was quiet and I worried about what was going through his mind. I was afraid and torn that he was going to ask me to leave, tell me it's too much for him to handle and have it be the end of whatever this thing between us was going on. Even inspite of all the things he just told me, and I him.

I looked up at him and tried to read him, feel him, something. But I couldn't get anything from his expression. Licking my lips nervously I started to look away when he let go of my hands, but I soon found him kissing me, pressing his body to me and pressing me up against the counter.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him back long and just as hard as I felt him push me up onto the counter. Laughing lightly against his lips I looked down at him and I was slightly surprised at my own words, maybe more so that I meant them. "Just because I said I couldn't give you my heart...That doesn't...that doesn't mean I don't want you to have it..." I meant every word and I started to tell him that but his lips found mine again and soon I was nipping his bottom lip and pulling him closer to me.

What was wrong with me, I love Spike and here I am telling this man that...that what? I want to love him too? I didn't know that being a vampire would ever mess up with my mind so much. Never thought I'd be a vampire at all to be honest.

Baby steps, that's what I had to do. Baby steps. I needed to be away from Spike because all he did was suffocate me, made me want to be away from him even more. With Lindsey there was some sort of hope that things would change, maybe even for the better.

[theurbancowboy]

She was saying something else about her heart, I heard it I swear but I was more interested in those lips. Call me an asshole if you want, I meant every fucking word I said to her but that doesn't mean I'm not a man lead around by his dick, cause a lot of the time I am. Now for example.

She was sitting on that counter legs wrapped firmly around my hips and if you forgot I'm still completely nude and there's absolutely nothing between us besides my shirt which was being pulled off her as I realized it was there.

Fuck if I wasn't hard again and before I could even think about it she was surrounding me and my head dropped to her shoulder, her legs tightening around my waist pulling me in as deep as I damn near could go. Obviously the sex was fantastic but that wasn't what it was about, alright so it's not the only thing it's about.

"I want everything you'll give me." I managed to growl out before taking her lips with mine again. A cold hard punishing kiss was my answer.

Oh yeah, hell here I come and I mean that literally.

[sexytarawitch]

Everything that happened, happened in a slow motion blur. His lips found a permanent home against mine as his fingers moved to pull his borrowed shirt from my shoulders.

I moaned softly and tightened my legs around him when I felt him slip inside me, warm and hot against cool and cold, making my body tingle from head to toe.

Pulling away from his lips my eyes met his and I ghosted my hand over his face, glimmering in my mind how beautiful he'd look as a vampire, nothing but deadly, fangs and violence. That thought twisted my gut but I ignored it and grinned, tightened my legs even more as I felt myself tighten around him.

I leaned in and nuzzled my nose against his neck, feeling the blood pumping beneath my lips as I kissed his warm skin. "Feel so good." I murmured before I let my tongue move over the bite I'd given him in the shower, sending tingles down my spine. The temptation to bite him again was pushing up on me but I ignored it. Didn't want to hurt him any more and I didn't want to get used to things like that.

His breathing became harder as did his heartbeat, it was pounding so hard it was loud in my ears. Pulling back from his neck I drug my nails down his chest, keeping my eyes on his as he pushed deeper inside me. The rougher he got, the rougher my nails got and I tried desperately to keep my eyes on him when I came, I wanted to watch his face and I wanted to see him come.

[theurbancowboy]

Never been the kind to savor the moments and all that shit. I'm the kind who fucks and moves on, or takes and leaves. I don't stick around and I don't beg for more, but I could tell already that it was about to change, or maybe it already had.

She laved her tounge over the bite and my eyes damn near rolled back in my head from how fucking good it felt.

I pistoned into her and felt her fall over and her inner muscles clamped around me hard and tight, pulsing feircly, seconds later I came hard and fast my hands digging into her hips so deep if she hadn't been a vamp she probably would have bruised.

My head lulled to her shoulder and I just then felt the ache of fresh scratches along my back. Fuck.

I raised my head and smiled at her lazily.

"You are going to be the death of me woman."

[sexytarawitch]

A slow laugh escaped my lips and I opened my eyes to look down at him. "I like you too much to be rid of you. Guess I should take my time then..." My eyes widened and I could feel myself being pulled out of that lust filled haze when the sharp scent of his blood filled my nose.

"Lindsey...fuck, I'm so sorry." It's strange how swearing doesn't bother me like it used to, but I still get embarrassed when I do something stupid like making him - who's still human - bleed.

Hopping off the counter and feeling him slip out of me I ran my hands over his chest and back which were both covered in welts and scratches. "Let me clean you up." I glanced up at him and he didn't seem very amused but the last thing I wanted was him to get sick. If something happened to him then where would I be?

"No arguing. I'm stronger then you." I teased, gently pushing him back into the bedroom and made him sit on the bed. I slipped on one of his disgarded shirts and brought out a few things from the bathroom and cleaned up his wounds quietly.

I glanced up at him and kissed him softly. Today's been a day that I could never have expected, or ever expect to forget. "Thank you, for everything." I whispered before letting my hair fall over my face as I cleaned his chest.