sometimes i do dangerous things

[theurbancowboy]

You'd think that in my former line of work nothing would surprise me, now though, I can say that I have been surprised. Tara Mclay has thrown my entire world off it's fucking access, and I'm not exactly all that worried about it. I should be, considering I've now literally gotten into bed with a vampire. A Vampire whose soul is somehow still in her

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[sexytarawitch]

I bit my lip hard and tried to think of the right way to define what we had, what we were. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and spoke carefully. "Ok, me? Not so good with words so I'm gonna try..." Don't screw this up. "He thinks I'm his, part of me...I feel like I am. The rest of me doesn't want to be. That's kinda where you come in. I want an us, a friendship or...who am I kidding, we've already had our way with each other in your bed and in your shower. It's just...I've never been the type of girl to be anyone's, let alone everybodies."

Shaking my head I sighed. "I'm not making sense, but what it comes down to is this. I want us, but I don't want to be the type of girl that say's that to everyone. I know I'm not and...Fuck. I'm gonna shut up."

I sat up frustrated but he pulled me back down to him, trying to pry out of me the last bits of what I said before. "As for claiming me? I never asked to be claimed by him, I didn't ask for this but now a part of me is his. Always going to be. But when I think about it, it's the demon he's claimed, not me, not the girl."

This time I pulled away and didn't lay back down, I just sat on the edge of the bed cursing myself for even thinking I could explain something. Especially now when I'm not exactly in my right mind. "I've never been able to speak, why did I think I'd be able to now? It was stupid of me to even think that I could even tell you what I wanted..."

[theurbancowboy]

"Shut up Tara. This whole self deprication thing you've got going on? I'm not your family and I'm not Spike and I don't care if you don't make any sense, which you don't, I just want you to fucking tell me."

I got up from the bed, I wasn't really angry with her, I was frustrated because I think deep down I knew what I wanted from her and I wasn't going to get it. I didn't want the demon or the girl persay I wanted her, whatever the fuck that entailed and I wanted her to want me, not just the demon or the girl but fucking all of her.

"You and me aren't friends Tara, we aren't going to be friends and if your trying to fool yourself into believe that's all this is? It's not."

I sighed, knowing it wasn't coming out like I wanted it to, but when the fuck did my mouth ever cooperate with the rest of me?

"Generally I don't have a problem helping out some chick I've fucked, but you are not just some chick I've fucked alright and it's not even about ... fuck ... what do you want from me? I'm not him, and if you say something shitty about yourself again you are going to see why."

Now I was angry but still not at her, what the fuck am I getting myself into. I don't have any clue what I'm feeling and I don't even want to try to explain it because it won't make any goddamn sense. It never has, I never have.

"I've never cared enough to stick around for anyone alright. Not my mother, not my brothers, sure as hell not my dad, but I fucking stayed here even after he almost killed me, so does that tell you how not casual i think this is? I don't think your some whore who sleeps with every guys she meets, trust me if that's who you were I wouldn't want you the way I do ..."

Fuck.