(no subject)
...and that's it. It's over.
Yesterday I stopped by Bjarke's house, determinated to finally explain him how things are. How I feel (or more correctly, how I don't feel). I'd texted him beforehand, and asked him if he was at home, because I needed to talk to him. Therefor, he already had a clue it was something bad/serious. I remember it like I kind of bursted into his room, without bothering to take off my jacket or bag. walked directly towards him and said "Bjarke, I don't think we should be together anymore" it's kind of blurry to me, becasue when I'd said that, it was like I suddenly saw myself standing there, like I was someone else, and then he asked me why and I tried to focus on being 'there'. I remember one thing very clearly, how he was trying to keep the tears back, he seemed together, but sad and somewhat shocked though he was halfway prepared... I had to take a deep breath before I could explain "because I'm not in love with you" and it hurt so much more to say that, than I thought it would! it must've been tough for him to hear it too. There was a lot of embarrasing silence during the, what, 10 mins? I was there, but we did get to talk a little. He said he felt it was too bad, cause he thought we had something.. But we agreed that there really wasn't a point to it, if I wasn't feeling it, and then I told him I had to go home and make dinner, though I wasn't sure I should. I drove to The King's Garden and sat in a corner where nowhere could see me, and cried. It was horrible. I felt just like it did when I told my parents I was cutting, I could not understand that I had chosen to do it myself, even though I didn't, don't regret it, but it hurt so much to see him like that. after a while in the park, I called Julie, who was with her class and told her I'd broken up up with him, and she felt bad for me and comforted me over the phone, while I explained her how I felt, then the stupid phone went out. It had helped a bit to hear her voice, so I got myself together and drove home. I snapped at various family members, then sat down and watched silly american series, until I could laugh..
so that was my day yesterday...
today I got some new clothes*(yay!) and had a fight with my dad... (..yay.)
Yesterday I stopped by Bjarke's house, determinated to finally explain him how things are. How I feel (or more correctly, how I don't feel). I'd texted him beforehand, and asked him if he was at home, because I needed to talk to him. Therefor, he already had a clue it was something bad/serious. I remember it like I kind of bursted into his room, without bothering to take off my jacket or bag. walked directly towards him and said "Bjarke, I don't think we should be together anymore" it's kind of blurry to me, becasue when I'd said that, it was like I suddenly saw myself standing there, like I was someone else, and then he asked me why and I tried to focus on being 'there'. I remember one thing very clearly, how he was trying to keep the tears back, he seemed together, but sad and somewhat shocked though he was halfway prepared... I had to take a deep breath before I could explain "because I'm not in love with you" and it hurt so much more to say that, than I thought it would! it must've been tough for him to hear it too. There was a lot of embarrasing silence during the, what, 10 mins? I was there, but we did get to talk a little. He said he felt it was too bad, cause he thought we had something.. But we agreed that there really wasn't a point to it, if I wasn't feeling it, and then I told him I had to go home and make dinner, though I wasn't sure I should. I drove to The King's Garden and sat in a corner where nowhere could see me, and cried. It was horrible. I felt just like it did when I told my parents I was cutting, I could not understand that I had chosen to do it myself, even though I didn't, don't regret it, but it hurt so much to see him like that. after a while in the park, I called Julie, who was with her class and told her I'd broken up up with him, and she felt bad for me and comforted me over the phone, while I explained her how I felt, then the stupid phone went out. It had helped a bit to hear her voice, so I got myself together and drove home. I snapped at various family members, then sat down and watched silly american series, until I could laugh..
so that was my day yesterday...
today I got some new clothes*(yay!) and had a fight with my dad... (..yay.)