(no subject)
im falling apart....
i havent been myself lately, i cant tell if its good or bad.
im not thinking about him anymore really, and this probably should be good, but i mean i liked thinking about him, i liked him always being in the back of my mind... but not anymore i guess.
i havent been my old goofy self at school, im shy and dont want to talk to people, dont want to let them in because im tired of being hurt.
all ive done today since i got home from swim was cry, because i dont feel like myself and right now absolutely nothing feels right except for two people; a good friend, and the new guy. i mean those are the only two people i can feel like myself around and thats not good. i dont want to go to the dance, even though some of me does. i realy want to do ballet this year. the only reason that i didnt join is because truthfully i couldnt stand looking at myself in the mirror next to all those people, im tired of comparing myself to other people, even though i feel like part of me has to.
i miss the feeling of being in "love" or liking someone beyond reason. but i am in like with someone. again, i dont want to get hurt even though i know he couldnt hurt me cause i can se us being friends for a long time. i cant stand this, acting like im okay, but no one ever asks more or less cares. im always the one asking how was your day, and saying hope you feel better, but you know what i dont want to have to do this, people dont care about me, thats how it always has been and always will be.
i feel sick...
i havent been myself lately, i cant tell if its good or bad.
im not thinking about him anymore really, and this probably should be good, but i mean i liked thinking about him, i liked him always being in the back of my mind... but not anymore i guess.
i havent been my old goofy self at school, im shy and dont want to talk to people, dont want to let them in because im tired of being hurt.
all ive done today since i got home from swim was cry, because i dont feel like myself and right now absolutely nothing feels right except for two people; a good friend, and the new guy. i mean those are the only two people i can feel like myself around and thats not good. i dont want to go to the dance, even though some of me does. i realy want to do ballet this year. the only reason that i didnt join is because truthfully i couldnt stand looking at myself in the mirror next to all those people, im tired of comparing myself to other people, even though i feel like part of me has to.
i miss the feeling of being in "love" or liking someone beyond reason. but i am in like with someone. again, i dont want to get hurt even though i know he couldnt hurt me cause i can se us being friends for a long time. i cant stand this, acting like im okay, but no one ever asks more or less cares. im always the one asking how was your day, and saying hope you feel better, but you know what i dont want to have to do this, people dont care about me, thats how it always has been and always will be.
i feel sick...